What DOES he do, anyway?

Whenever someone asks what my husband 'does', as in, what job he holds, I laugh. We both do, actually. It happened again last night, as it is an inevitable question when meeting new people. I usually say, "That's a very good question." Maybe when the next person asks what he 'does', I should say, "Whatever it takes."

So, for any inquiring minds out there, I want to answer that question and also update our situation. The simple answer is that the Husband has his own business (corporation). The business would fall under the broad category of 'logistics'. That has included dump truck dispatching, dump truck driving, and most recently, heavy machinery staffing. He has also looked for side jobs, donated his plasma for money, and previously worked overnights for my step-dad driving a sweeper-truck. We have just been going where God directs and pleading that we would hear His voice, that He would make our paths straight, that we would plan, but that ultimately He would guide. It is a really rewarding, yet difficult place to be. The Husband has applied for 'regular' jobs both out of fear and out of faith. We continually ask ourselves the question, "Is having our own business what God wants for us right now?" And even though I dislike the answer many times, we have both felt Him repeatedly say 'Yes'.

Of course this all could change as He sees fit. I have learned to let go of the notion that if the Husband had a regular, full-time, ample money-making job, that my life would then be perfect. Easier? Maybe. We would have missed out on so much quality time together, especially in this last year, when He knew exactly what we needed. As of late, I tell the Husband that I wish we were independently wealthy so that we could just live life together on a daily basis. Because we just love being together. I am not a wife who is chronically annoyed from having her husband underfoot. I have adjusted to having him around and I love it.

All that to say that this last contract our business had (which was also our first BIG one) has just finished up and lo-and-behold, God has provided a temporary driving job for the Husband, which is to last for the next five weeks. He started on Monday! As I was talking to God & saying my 'Amens!' and 'Hallelujahs!', He impressed something specific on my heart: I should not feel relieved.

Yes.  

Not relieved.

Becuase if I really believe that 'it all comes from Him' then this temporary job is just another form of His provision. I shouldn't be trusting in the duration of the job, but in the One who supplied it. My faith should not be in the author of a paycheck, but in the Author of Life.

I do admit that I am breathing a little easier. I will miss not having Hubs around as much and having to manage the household and my three blessings mostly on my own. But I'm sure I'll get used to it. Those first few corkscrew turns and plummeting dives that this employment roller coaster has taken were totally unpleasant and downright scary. After being on this ride for some time though, I am learning that I am safe inside my coaster car and that I can trust the track.

Because as topsy-turvy as this track can be, I know the One who designed it.

More blessed than I deserve,

Just In Case

It was a Thursday and my brother was visiting. He rarely ever visits. Holidays mostly. But he had some things to bring me on behalf of my grandma, so he was spending part of the morning with us. I put our homeschool lessons on hold, just so that we could visit and enjoy each other's company. My brother, like me, has had a rough year. We both were in need of our faith to be strengthened, I just never thought that the strength God would send was coming via the United States Postal Service.

I'm sure this story began several years ago, although I'm not exactly sure when. A young couple out West purchased a supplemental medical insurance policy. You know, just in case. {I don't think we ever plan on using just in case, do we?} Fast forward to this summer and you will find that their firstborn daughter was born too early. At a little over one pound, she spent many days in the NICU. And that just in case insurance policy came into effect. They actually were paid money for every day that their daughter spent in the hospital.

I had followed their journey through the NICU, encouraging them as I could. I don't actually remember who found who, but we stumbled upon each other, nonetheless. I now realize that it was God, writing our stories so that our chapters would overlap. My anonymous friend had wanted to do something with the extra funds they had accumulated from their daughter's hospital stay, she just didn't know who to give it to, until she read my recent post on my family's financial struggles and God spoke to her. She then asked if she could send me something.

Please God, let that something not be money. I mean, receiving graciously when you are in need is one thing. But money from a perfect stranger?

I steeled myself against the thought that maybe my friend would send me $25 or $50. I felt humbled at the mere thought. And then came that Thursday, I opened the package in front of my brother; a journal was inside. Phew. And then, there it was. A check, paper-clipped to the inside of the journal. As I quickly scanned it, I could see that the amount is was written for included a comma. What?! The actual amount really doesn't matter; suffice it say that it was for considerably more than the $25 I was feeling humbled about. I could not contain my shock and had to read the letter she had written out loud to my brother, the rest of the mail on the floor in the middle of my living room.

I am still shaking my head. 

The part that stands out is when she says that she thinks God gave my portion to her, so that she could deliver it to me and that she and her husband were faithful to do as God prompted them. At the end of the note, my brother pumps his fist in the air and declares, "See! God provides!" I'm not sure any eloquent explanation could say it any better than that.

Although I have said it on many occasions, both to myself and to others, that "It all belongs to and comes from Him", I fail to actually believe it sometimes. And so He chooses to use some amazing circumstances to remind me and hopefully, to remind anyone else who reads this. How intricate His plan is. How extraordinary it feels to be a part of His story. How it really does all come from Him.

How many of next month's bills will be paid because of an insurance policy that was purchased years ago, just in case.

Amazed,

If Every Day Were an Aldi Day

It all started with an envelope in the mail.

Inside were two Aldi gift certificates and a card with simple but powerful words: Your heavenly Father knows. Thank you. You know who you are.

And then there was an email from another friend asking if we would like another Aldi gift certificate. Thank you. You know who you are.

Guess God owns some serious shares of Aldi stock!

During my first Aldi run, the man behind me was using a gift certificate, but only had about $15 worth of merchandise for his $25 certificate.

"Sir, I can't give you any cash back and you still have $10 left on the gift certificate."

"Well, I don't want any cash back."

"But Sir, why don't you just go buy yourself some meat or something?"

"Nah...... Hey! Can I just give the lady behind me the rest of the certificate?"

"Uh...." Calls the manager over. "This guy wants to give that lady the rest of his gift card. Can we do that?......No, Sir. We can't do that."

Everyone stands around looking at each other.

Well, I couldn't help myself, now could I?

Me: Well, how about if you just ring up that lady's groceries along with his and just let this guy go on his merry way with his groceries?

The manager smiles. The cashier smiles. The guy smiles. The lady smiles. I smile.

And then I nearly start crying. I guess because I witnessed a simple act of goodness that almost didn't happen. Then, while I was still joyful about that random kindness, as I was loading my groceries into my van, a hippie man came up to me and wanted to take my cart. Upon seeing my 40 lb bag of softener salt, he kindly said, May I? Then proceed to load it up for me.

If every day were an Aldi day, we'd give out of our abundance to those who are in need. We wouldn't need unemployment because those making extra would give generously to those not having enough. We wouldn't buy more just because we could, but we'd pay for the person behind us just because. If every day were an Aldi day, we'd help one another without thinking about how we might be inconvenienced.  

And we'd do it with a smile.

What's next, Lord?

I am still here. Trudging through life. And I want to explain why. Why it's difficult to post as much as I'd like to.

I should probably start this post by turning the calendar back a few months. It was about mid-August and the Husband was merrily driving a dump truck for someone else and was approached about a job opportunity for our small business. After much debate, prayer and wise counsel, we decided to accept this opportunity to do staffing and management for heavy machinery operators for a short-term project, with the hope that more short-term projects would follow. We felt, and still do, that God was leading us in that direction and that His blessing was on our decision. Unfortunately, "short-term" has turned out to be much shorter than we were led to believe and have had only one great month of work.

It was a exciting, sometimes stressful, logistical roller coaster that we have been on, going from the Husband as our only employee to a team of about twelve. I went from crafty, homeschooling, full-time mom, to being the newly crowned CFO of our little company. We were so blessed to have been able to provide work for others who needed it and for that, I am grateful. Now, though, the roller coaster has come to a screeching halt. The job progressed faster than expected. The weather has been rainy here, not conducive to the type of truck work that we have been involved with. So we waited for the ground to dry up. And waited. And waited some more.

Today is the first (partial) day of work for the month of October and the month is nearly half over. No work means no money. We are both scared. We are selling off personal possessions now and the Husband gave his first plasma donation last week. Even amidst much prayer, I have that heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's so difficult not to worry, even though I know that it won't add an hour to my life. I shake my head in disbelief that after all we have gone through already this year that God would still ask more of me. I already feel so beaten down by life and to even think about losing the home that I cherish seems like just more than I could handle. Grief is particularly taxing on a marriage, not to mention the added stress of our job situation. To put it nicely, it just makes things not-so-pretty around here sometimes.

All of that job tumult makes it hard to post about other things. Things like new recipes, what a great privilege it is to be a mom, how much I love fall, the blessing of great friends, the amazing adventure we call homeschooling, and the goodness of and wrestling with God through all these struggles.

Lately when the people that love me casually ask, "So how are you?", I have come up with my own version of an honest & clever answer: Do you want me to tell you the truth or do you want me to say 'fine' just so you can be comfortable?

The Husband has his own answer:

Life is rough, but God is good.

I think I like his better.

The Ugly

As in, the trio, along with the good and the bad. I know I've been MIA. And now you'll know why. Since the ground beneath me keeps threatening to open up and swallow me whole, I didn't really think you'd want to hear about it. I don't want pity, but judging from some of the kind emails I've been getting {sorry about not responding to those!} I figured that ya'll still care about little 'ole me.

The Vehicles
They have all broken down. On the same day. To pretty much un-driveable status. One has been repaired and cost more to fix than my mortgage payment. The other one, well, it's turned into a three-ring-circus. We thought it was fixed. Then it wasn't. Then it was. Now, it isn't. Catch all that? It is still at the repair shop awaiting some details to be worked out. I guess one working vehicle is better than none. My lawnmower broke last week as well. That was the back-up lawnmower. The first one hasn't been working for some time now. I might really have to buy that goat I've been thinking about.

The Loo
That's bathroom, in case you aren't familiar with UK-speak. It flooded last week. You know that little hole in the sink that's supposed to drain out the excess water if you fill the sink too much? Well, apparently mine doesn't work. A small child brushed their teeth, left the water running a bit, turned off the light and closed the door. Thankfully I was staying up late, but didn't realize the situation until several hours later, after the whole floor, cabinet and drawers underneath, and most of the hallway outside the bathroom door were converted into our own personal indoor pool. I've always wanted one of those. Just not this poor man's version.

The Job
There isn't one. Again. The owner of the dump truck Hubs was driving decided to sell it. I can either consider it depressing or encouraging that I didn't even really cry over this or barely even panic. My honest thoughts were, "Great. Here we go again." I guess when you've been through what I've been through the last few months, being unemployed {with no unemployment check} doesn't seem so daunting. HE has sustained us for the last six months, has carried us through losing our daughter, and I'm sure HE will still be here for wherever this road goes. I am honestly so sick & tired of this specific roller coaster. It is just beyond frustrating.

The Vacay
So considering all that, we did what any already grieving people should do...we took a vacation. That probably sounds totally ridiculous, but it was just what we needed. Not financially, mind you, but spiritually and emotionally. I didn't think I would actually enjoy myself, but there were several times when I was startled by the sound of my own laughter. That hasn't happened in a long time. The kids were in good hands, the scenery was wonderful, the quality time with my husband was even better. We talked. I cried. We gained perspective. We came home ready to face the world again.

So there you have it. Some of the time I am trying not to focus on what I am actually having to walk through. Some of the time I either want to laugh hysterically or cry uncontrollably. Typing all that out just now, it seems like my life is more like the plot to some sordid comedy movie, where a poor bloke who's totally down on his luck ends up seeing his fortune totally reversed. Well, that's what I'm praying for myself anyways {Ps. 126}.

If you've made it this far through my post, you must really love me :>)

Choices

The other day I read an interview with Michael J. Fox in a recent issue of Good Housekeeping Magazine. He shared a lot of his heart and journey regarding his struggle with Parkinson's. He was asked what advice he'd give someone who's dealing with a chronic illness. His advice though, I think can apply to any trying season of life:

I would say to look at the choices you have, as opposed to the choices that have been taken away from you. Because in those choices, there are whole worlds of strength and new ways to look at things.

That just resonated so deeply with me, especially during this season of part-time income for our family. I think a lot of times, we look at difficult things that happen with a sense of loss and perhaps even that some choice has been taken away from us, even if that "choice" was misguided. So, here I am, focusing on the choices I *do* have:

• what to make for dinner each night
• which possessions I'm going to sell next
• to stay-home full-time
• to homeschool
• to continue striving towards being a wife of excellence
• to continue to tithe
• to work wholeheartedly to care for the home He has entrusted me with
  
• to give generously as we can, of what resources we have
• to love my children, train them as He sees fit & have fun with them daily
• to choose my attitude

I choose to live with joy, knowing that although I may be poor by some standards, I have an abundance of riches that money can't buy. I am, in a way, more content than I have been in a long time. I feel His hand over my life in such a real and tangible way. Someone in small group the other evening said that we need to go to work and be responsible because "Christ doesn't pay our bills". I nearly burst out laughing! REALLY?! So since we only make $800/month and our bills are a little over $2000 and they are all current, how would you explain that?! I knew the point this guy was getting at, it's just that....it all comes from Him, whether it's in the form of a paycheck, an unemployment check or a check in the mail. That's what I come away from this season with. He blesses us with work, He blesses us with unemployment, He provides for our needs when neither of those apply. And it's because of Him, that I choose joy.

A Christmas Miracle

I need one.

Our business is struggling. Our sole customer can only afford to pay us a fraction of what he was paying before, leaving me feeling....well....desperate. I am not talking about trying to merely afford a certain kind of lifestyle. I am referring to literally having enough money to pay my necessary bills, like my mortgage, food, and electricity. There is nothing left in my budget to cut. No more fat to trim. I am waiting on a miracle.

It feels superficial to talk about holiday festivities or my latest craft project or my little guy's first birthday party, when all I feel like is that things are crashing down around me. I hate to be a downer in the midst of everyone else's joy, but this is just my reality right now. And I'd hate to put on a cheery face {or a cheery blog for that matter} when the truth is something altogether different. Oh, I know all the proper cliches, like God will provide or He loves you and He has a plan for you. But His provision is....non-specific. At least that's how it seems to me. God never promised us a single family home or tasty nutritious food or money for utilities. I guess you could say He would still be caring for us if we had to subsist on boxes of mac & cheese and move in with family or some sort of shelter, right?

As if this matter of money was not stressful enough, God has, er, blessed us with knowledge that we are expecting another baby! I realize {now, after much crying & thought} that although I did not plan this, God was not surprised one bit. He must think that I can handle more than I ever thought I could. I hope He doesn't think that I can handle much more!

So while others are decking the halls, making their last minute Christmas purchases, and spreading holiday cheer, I am battling near constant nausea and wondering how long I can make the five boxes of noodles on my pantry shelf last. During this season of contemplating Christ's humble birth, I am trying not to let my stressful circumstances rob me of my joy. I am thankful that my God is incorruptible, that He is faithful to His promises, and loves His very own children more than the lilies of the field and the birds of the air.

Oh, how I need a miracle these days. I guess it's a good thing that I am clinging to the One in the Miracle Making Business.

A Spending Habit

I'm sure it's just one of many, but I noticed something curious the other day. When I have more money, I tend to spend more. When I have less, I spend less. This should not be! What if, when I had more, I spent less! Then I really would be set! Shouldn't my spending be based on some sort of conviction or spending plan rather then the amount of money in my bank account? In a practical sense, it might go something like this:

If my budget allows, I will limit myself to one premium coffee per month {Starbucks}. Period. If my income miraculously doubles, I will still stick to this limit.

photo by dontthink.feel

Maybe this sounds just plain ridiculous? Maybe there should be some sort of "until" in my scenario, ie. until I reach such-and-such financial goals or until my budget is in need of revision. Maybe people would think I'm crazy to "only" limit myself to X, even if I were bringing in a 6-figure salary {I meaning my husband, in my case}. I guess I'm just thinking that when I'm making more, I could limit myself to X and Y and A through G, and occasionally H, I, J, and once in awhile K and L, oh, and M & N only on special occasions. Then I be sitting there wondering why I am poorer than when I made half as much! I'm sure it has happened to many of you who, when going from higher amounts of income to drastically lower amounts of income, asked yourself, "If only...". Now that you find yourself actually able to live on less {even cheerfully, at that *shocking, I know*} you wonder...If only I had lived on this amount when we were making more, my savings account would be bigger or my debts would be paid off or....

Anyone else tend to spend more when they have more & spend less when they have less?

C-RAZY Question

This might seem a little bizarre, but does any one else use Real-Time Pricing for their ComEd bill? I was inspired to see if we had something like this based on a frugal tip I came across. In a nutshell, instead of paying a fixed price per Kilowatt hour for energy, you pay the going market price for that particular hour. In the off-peak hours, the energy costs less. I am looking into this option for our family & was wondering if/how it has saved money for other families. If no one responds, I guess I might just be the guinea pig.

PF Blogs

photo by dawn armfield

Many of us read, and love, Money Saving Mom and for good reason. What's not to love about getting stellar deals & even better than that, things for free {my favorite four letter word by the way}?! But recently I've been trying to broaden my horizons to include Personal Finance blogs {PF}. For me, my finances are, in one word, unhealthy, an area that is not in dire straights, but rather something that needs more control & a plan. I think, and talk, about where I want to be in 5 years or 10 years or that I really want to get out of debt, but without a concrete plan, it's nothing but that: talk. So here are some of my newly found sources of information & inspiration, in no particular order:

The Simple Dollar ~ As a start, be sure not to miss the Most Popular Articles & Recommended Reading located in the sidebar.

Frugal Dad

Get Rich Slowly ~ I particularly enjoyed this last post about finding time to pursue your dreams with one simple change.

Any other good ones I should check out?