Praying for YOU

In honor of Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day

I am thinking of and praying for YOU today.  

YOU, who have no living children, yet have the heart of a mother.  

YOU, who while pregnant after a loss, have a heart of fear; loving your child within yet still longing for your child in heaven.  

YOU, who feel you have been robbed of the innocent joy that a pregnancy can bring, knowing all too well that sometimes things don't turn out the way you plan them.

YOU, who are still suffering in your grief after the death of your child.  

YOU, who heard the words, "I'm sorry. We can't find a heartbeat." 

YOU, who had a baby shower, decorated a nursery, picked a name, yet did not bring a baby home from the hospital.


YOU, who don't know how to answer the casual question, "So, how many children do you have?"

YOU, who have part of your family living on earth and part living in heaven.

And while I pray for YOU, I pray for ME at the same time. And I thank Him for YOU, for being my friend and for walking the hard road with me.

In His Arms

Dear Friends,

I think simply saying what I need to say will be best: Olivia is with Jesus now. I had not been feeling her move for the last day and a half, so this morning we went to the hospital just to check. Little Olivia's heart had, in fact, stopped beating here on earth, but we know that her body is whole, healed, and playing in Heaven! It is the miracle that we've all been praying for, even if it doesn't look the way we quite expected.

This morning was so beautifully clear and sunny as we drove to the hospital. Truly majestic. I cherished the peaceful car ride, the blue sky, and His warmth on my face. I told my Lord that He created this day and whatever He had for me, I would accept it. I prayed for immeasurable comfort and peace, as I planned to have confirmed what my heart already knew: Olivia was home.

The last three weeks seem like such a whirlwind and at times, it barely seemed like it was truly my own life that I was living. One prayer that has remained constant for me was for God's mercy. I would cry out to Him and tell Him that I didn't know what that mercy looked like for me, but that I needed it so desperately. And He is so gracious to have heard my prayer and granted me what He knew I needed. I know that tomorrow, once again, I will need His mercy more than ever.

Please pray for our broken hearts during this time and especially for me tomorrow, as I begin the induction process at 6 am. I'm sure it will be one of the longest and most difficult days of my life, not only physically, but for my tender heart as well......as I prepare to say Hello and Goodbye all at the same time.

Most Grateful for Your Prayers~

While we're waiting...

Thank you to all of you that have been praying.

We got the results back from the Fish study yesterday. That test is for problems with chromosomes 13, 18 & 21. Dr R told me that Olivia has Trisomy 18 which means there is additional material in her 18th chromosome. This explains the heart problems, the clenched fists, the brain things we have seen. 98-99% sure Olivia has this problem, the full panel results in about 12 days will confirm. What does it mean? Dr R has not given Olivia much hope; the websites aren't encouraging as 50% of children with this problem are born still born, of those born alive, less than 10% survive to their 1st birthday, etc. The higher the weight when born, the better the odds and Olivia is nowhere near where she needs to be, but girls are more likely to live than boys.

There is no surgery by human hands that can be done. There is no magic pill, no therapy, nothing but to wait. She is in the hands of the LORD and only He has the power to heal her however He so chooses. Yesterday we told the girls that Olivia may not come home with us but go to be with Jesus in heaven, then last night as I prayed with the girls, Sienna puts her hand on my arm and says "We forgot to pray for Olivia to come home with us." so we prayed for Olivia. The odds are not in favor of Olivia, but the LORD is not about odds. That is what I tell myself. But what do we wait for? I don't know what we wait for, but I am trying to wait on the LORD, and wait for His answer, whatever His answer is and just know that He is God.

Thank you LORD.

Think Pink!

The official word is: our baby #4 is a girl! And we are mostly tickled pink! {Sorry, just couldn't resist.} Daddy & Biggest Sister were holding out for a boy so that things would be even and our Little Sport would have a brother. Bigger Sister was praying for a girl. She wants a sister badly. Part of me thinks it's so she can boss a little sister around. When we told her that it's a girl, she jumped up and down squealing, "God answered my prayers! God answered MY prayers!" It was really touching & made me wonder if we are having a girl because of the tender, availing prayers of a 4-year old......

I have been struggling with high blood pressure this pregnancy, which I have never had a problem with before. I finally had to be put on medication last week for the duration of the pregnancy & praise God that the medication is working! I test myself a few times a week with an at-home blood pressure cuff. The doctors would ask me at every visit if I worked outside the home & if I was under a lot of stress. STRESS? That would be an understatement, but I don't think they have enough time during those visits to listen to my story!

After a routine 20 week ultrasound revealed a smaller than average baby, we had a follow-up ultrasound this Tuesday at 24 weeks. Unfortunately, the growth lag has increased. I am concerned, but trying not to worry. My OB called me personally today to give me the results and has decided to send me to a high-risk pregnancy hospital {probably Lutheran General} for evaluation, necessary testing, and additional ultrasound(s). I keep telling myself that I am in the loving and capable hands of my Great Physician, but at other moments I wonder if I can really handle one more thing.

I consider it a privilege to be able to share this with my dear readers and to ask to you to pray for me & our daughter. As always, I would love to lift YOU up in prayer, if there is anything you need. You can always email me privately through the link in my sidebar.

And then there was sun

photo by furiousgeorge81

The tornado sirens went off yesterday at about 5:30 pm. We take that kind of thing pretty seriously around here, so the kids and I headed down to hide under the stairs, while Daddy checked for weather alerts to verify the alarm's veracity. After waiting for several minutes and the alarm ceasing to sound, we came back upstairs and I immediately left for my Tuesday night Bible study. The rain was coming down. The clouds were black and luminous. The wind was harsh. I kept on the look-out for funnel clouds. About 7 minutes into my drive, the rain started coming down harder than it had been. The windshield wipers were on full blast. And then....

...it was over.

I could see the edge of the storm as I drove out from under it, into a blue sky, and blinding sunlight. The wipers squeaked against the windshield, almost laughing at me since I didn't need them anymore. I was...full of wonder. The radio played:

Amen, amen to the God of grace
Amen, amen He is worthy of praise

I realized that those choruses were playing even in the roughest part of the storm and continued to play as I put down the sun visor and just drove in amazement. I felt like laughing and crying all at the same time because it was if God spoke to me through that odd weather moment. And I immediately started praying. That that glorious moment would be a metaphor of my life at present. That our lives as it pertains to working and finances would change as suddenly as that storm. One minute hiding while danger is looming and the next, basking in the sunlight and blue sky. That my husband and I would drive out from under that storm together. There is a song that says, "Sometimes He calms the storm and sometimes He calms the child." I asked God if He could calm the storm now and thanked Him for endlessly calming His child.

And on my way home later that evening, I prayed for you. Whoever and wherever you are. Knowing how painful that time in the storm can be. And hoping that if you are there now, that soon, we can be basking together in the glorious sunshine.

Does He ever speak to you in out-of-the-ordinary moments?

Not One

But many.

I'm glad I decided to share about my financial situation. I hesitated, believe me, for many reasons. My prayer, now, is that my God would glorified for all the ways that He has taken care of us through the willing spirit of others. And although I had one large Christmas miracle in mind, please enjoy with me the many miracles He has graced me with:

• My mortgage is paid for January, along with my credit card payments, thanks to the best mom ever. I was also able to perform some "creative financing" with my mortgage payment, which I had been specifically praying for.

• My sister-in-law paid for $100 worth of groceries for us and also passed along an extra $100 to use for bills.

• My other sister-in-law will be paying my heating bill.

• A Christian friend at my sister-in-law's work, someone whom I only met once briefly, gave us a Wal-Mart gift card, along with the message that "this is only the beginning". I could've hardly imagined a near perfect stranger opening her heart & pocketbook to us.

• A friend called to say that even though she has very little, as her husband is out of work as well, she will be sending us $40. You are like the widow in the Bible who gave two tiny coins, recognizing the need to hold money lightly, willingly & lovingly giving it away.

• Many people, perhaps even some of you, have been praying for us. This means more to me than you can know. Specifically, you can pray for Hubby to get his CDL quickly and for our business to obtain more customers. Also, pray for His specific will as it relates to Hubby getting another job. We are asking Him for a second shift position which would allow our business to continue. For me, I sporadically feel well, but more often than not, I am plagued with nausea. My spirits are lifted though, knowing that I will be able to continue to live in my home, even if it will be for only another month. I have applied for several forms of government assistance, so I ask that those would come to fruition quickly.

I am blessed beyond measure this holiday season, more so by the loving hearts of the people I know, whether only in the blogosphere or in real life, than by any amount of money or help you could ever give. No amount of thanks could express my gratefulness. You are storing up treasures in Heaven. Be blessed!

Home for Mother's Day

Please pray for a friend, Jeff, and his family. Jeff's mom, at the age of 62 had a massive stroke last week. Part of her brain was without oxygen for 3 hours. The family prayed for a miraculous healing, but God had a different plan. She was just coherent enough to accept Christ as her Saviour shortly after, while in the hospital. On Mother's Day, the Lord called her home and welcomed her with open arms. She leaves behind her husband of 39 years, two children and two grand-daughters. Please pray specifically for comfort during this time for all those lives she has touched. Thanks in advance. Becki