It has been exactly two months since my last blog post. It feels like time to break the blog silence. I have felt this way before. From hurting to healing to confusion to creativity....where to start? What to say?


September....
...brought numbness. Disbelief. Thick seemingly impenetrable walls went up around my heart. I couldn't feel. I couldn't pray. I couldn't. Life resumed it's regularly scheduled program and I went through the motions. Loved ones wed, my niece had a birthday, laughter, joy. My body was present, but my heart...well, that's another story.

October...
...brought celebrating. Our anniversary. I should have been...jubilant. Expectant. My husband planned this truly extravagant weekend of things he knew I would love, as a total surprise, complete with pre-arranged childcare! Dinner at the Signature Room. A Mario Tricocci massage. Splendiferous romantic details!! It was a big courageous attempt at moving towards oneness and away from the isolation that has plagued our marriage for so long. Have you been there? Isolated? Maybe you have been there for so long you don't even remember how it was...once upon a time. Things are good, but not excellent. You have settled and compromised and so has he. And then you stay there. But God had already gotten ahold of my husband's heart and had brought him to his knees by the time our anniversary came around. Although I still didn't really have any strong emotions because of all that had transpired the month before, I distinctly noticed something else happening. Those concrete heart-walls began to fracture.

As if one weekend away from the daily grind wasn't fabulous enough, I was treated (and surprised!) again the following weekend. The Husband whisked us off to Milwaukee for a Weekend to Remember conference. I was feeling...cautious & curious about what this weekend would hold for me as a wife and for us as a couple. It was *truly* wonderful. (Fracture...fracture...crumble) It was more like a "working vacation" than anything. The sessions were a good mix of humor and pointedness and heart-felt sharing and conviction. I came home feeling...changed.


November....
brought more changing. Of slowly moving towards. God. People. The Husband. Of seasons getting colder. Of appreciating His brilliant spectrum of yellows, orange, reds and browns. Of caring for a baby who needed a place to stay for a week. Of loving reading again! Books, books, and more books! One in particular that has been particularly excellent is When Life is Hard by James Macdonald. Of walls continuing to come down. Of new habits of love and understanding. Of pruning the good in favor of the excellent. Of renewed creativity.

Quite the roller coaster, huh?

Amidst the Flames

"When most people say 'for better or for worse', they really only mean 'for better'."

- from the movie Fireproof

I've given a lot of thought over the years, but especially more so this last year, about what 'for better or for worse' really means. I think back to my premarital counseling and can distinctly remember one of the pastors trying to convey to us, the young couple in love, what the future might hold.

Will you still love him when he's balding and 30 pounds heavier?

Will you still love her when she's pregnant and cranky?

Will you still love him when he's in a bad mood?

Will you still love her when she's old and wrinkled?

If those are the most extreme difficulties that we have ever had to deal with, we would have an easy life. Probably not nearly as rich and rewarding, but definitely easy. I think the questions a pastor should ask an engaged couple should be more probing and probably a lot scarier:

Will you still love him when he is depressed and wants to give up on his faith?

Will you still love her when she has a miscarriage? Again.

Will you still love him when he gets addicted to viewing inappropriate websites?

Will you still love her when she has spent more money than you make in a year?

Will you still love him when he has had no job for months on end? When you don't know where the money will come from to care for your family?

Will you still love her when she has gotten herself emotionally involved with someone else?

Will you still love him when your marriage just seems hopeless to save it?

Will you still love her when you hear the words 'no heartbeat' and find yourselves standing in front of a tiny casket?

Will you still love each other when it seems like the very fabric of your marriage is coming apart at the seams?

Early on in our marriage, a pastor mentioned to us that when we had gotten married that he didn't think we stood "a snowball's chance in hell" of staying married for the long run. Amazing, huh?! I guess what this pastor didn't realize is that the trials that we would go through would make us stronger, that we would come out the other side battered and bruised, but still come out together.  And that just like the Bible story, there would be an extra person amidst those flames saving us from destruction.

"Fireproof doesn't mean a fire will never come, but that when it comes 

you'll be able to withstand it."

- from the movie Fireproof 

11 and Counting

appropriately subtitled, "How I spent my anniversary"

Just because we are low in the funds department did NOT mean we had to keep our anniversary celebrating to a minimum! Last Friday was the actual anniversary day, which coincidentally, we were also married on a Friday so it was neat to see the days line up perfectly! I loved being able to say "At exactly this time eleven years ago we were.....". I served Lasagna Spirals for our family lunch and was planning on making some Chinese food for the Hubs and I for dinner, but on the spur of the moment, we decided to take our Chinese on the road and share it with some friends.

Remember the days when you were still dating and you would just up and decide to go here-and-there or drop by a friends' house or just stay up late hangin' out or playing games?? Well, it kinda felt like that. It was great! Both of our families put our wee ones to bed and then the grown-ups played a mean game of Phase 10, while the other chitlins played Uno and watched movies. When we realized that it was already 10 pm, it was time to head out and put our munchkins to bed. Next time, we're doin' a sleepover ya'll!

Saturday saw our kids head off to grandmas to give Mom and Dad some much needed alone time. We used a Red Lobster gift card (with coupon!) to enjoy our selves a quiet lunch. We did some window shopping too: JoAnn's for me and Guitar Center for him, then browsed at Target, picking up a couple of gifts with gift cards as well. We hit the library right before closing time to get ourselves a couple of free movies, which we enjoyed with some late night pizza from the freezer and IBC root beer (my favorite!) that had been stashed away in the fridge. We went to bed early *grin* and slept in late...well, at least I did.

So, we spent hardly any money to celebrate our 11th year of marriage. But really, you can't put a price tag on great conversation and buckets of laughs. There's been lots of ups and downs these last eleven years, especially this last year.

But ya know what else is priceless?

Knowing that there's no one else that I rather be on that roller coaster with.

The Midnight Oil

photo learningful_rcb

A couple of nights a week, he burns the midnight oil. While the kids and are tucked warmly in our beds, my Hubs is out sweeping commercial parking lots, as a glorified-trash collector, if you will. He picks up trash, cleans up cigarette butts, empties garbage cans, all while trying to stay awake!

This week he was able to pick up a couple extra night shifts and no sooner did he commit to working Wednesday night, did he get a call that there was dump truck work for Thursday morning! We were thrilled at the opportunity, if not a little nervous for how to manage the schedule. After working all night, Hubs slept in his car for a couple hours then began his first day transporting loads of material. {He just got his CDL license a few weeks ago!} At 2:15 pm {just in time for me to race to an OB appointment}, he arrived home tired, dirty, and joyful. Hubs was beaming with satisfaction at a job well done. He never complains about lack of sleep or being tired. Together we have developed a new thankfulness for the blessing of work. I am so proud of his attitude during this season and the fact that he is willing to do any type of work {even 3rd shift trash duty} to take care of his family. I am honored to be his wife!

Thank your husband today for how hard he works or encourage him in his job hunt if that's where you're at. Tell him how much you appreciate that he works to provide for your family!

P.S. Happy First Day of Spring!

A Weekend of Celebrating

October 16th marked our ten year wedding anniversary and this last Saturday was Hubster's birthday, so what to do other than.....celebrate!! It was really amazing the way God provided so many little things for us throughout the weekend, so I'll try to highlight those as I go along.

We dropped the kiddos off with our babysitting service {a.k.a. family - praise God for great families} on Thursday & then acted like wild & free teenagers as we went for dinner {leftover Red Lobster gift card} & cruised the strip. I was able to hit the thrift store where I picked up a dressy black top from Kohls and a pair of brand new jeans from New York & Co. with the price tag still on {$44.95} for just $7.80! I ran into Kohl's and used $10 Kohl's cash that my mother-in-law gave me to purchase a half-price nightie for just $4.31. SWEET! We then waited for some friends of ours to get out of work and invited ourselves over to their place where we enjoyed a late night snack & lots of great conversation. {After staying up a little too long past our bedtime, I was dragging a bit on Friday.} I had a killer headache on our drive, but was blessed by my wonderful hubby who drove the whole way. {God spoke to me through a message I heard during the drive by Nancy Leigh DeMoss on "self-control" out of Titus 2. Everywhere I turn I am hearing the same "message", which is just blowing me away. I'm thinking I might wake up and see some writing on the wall, it is THAT obvious.}

I was wishing that we could have traveled someplace far & exotic, especially as it was our 10 year milestone, but lack of funds dictated our destination. I was still able to plan a lovely weekend stay in Door County. It was right as "off-season" was starting so that meant lower rates for everything. I choose the Lodgings at Pioneer Lane and was blown away at our room. Loved. It. It was more than I expected, with a fireplace, in room whirlpool, plush bedding, a walk-in shower, and a quaint balcony looking out over Ephraim and Lake Michigan. Lots of little details make this place special like hand-painted room number/pictures on each door, Hershey's kisses which were replenished throughout our stay, STASH brand teas, a selection of magazines/games, a DVD player with movies to borrow, free Wi-Fi, and they recycle! A couple of shots...



There are many small towns dotted along the Wisconsin peninsula and we barely skimmed over three of them. The colors were still beautiful, although from what I hear, not as intense as they were a few weeks ago. We walked a lot, explored many different shops, and mostly enjoyed one another's company. Friday night we had a hard time deciding on where to eat {wanted to save our money for Saturday} and God amazingly led us to a restaurant that would be closing the following day, so all the meals were half off! We could hardly believe it! We paid, for our entire meal, what just one entree cost at several nearby restaurants.

Saturday, we shopped til we nearly dropped, rested up in the whirlpool for a bit followed by an afternoon nap, and then splurged on a stellar dinner at T. Ashwell's. It was worth every penny {quite a few of them}! Can't even explain how much we both enjoyed it! We had a reservation, canceled it {we were too tired from the day}, then remade our reservation. I am so thankful that God didn't let us miss it. The restaurant is housed in a converted old home & the hospitality made us feel like we were their guests, as opposed to customers. The food was just out of this world.


Sunday we did a bit more stopping & shopping & then it was back to reality to pick up our children {although I did miss them while we were gone}! We had felt so pampered while we were away that we were both left feeling a little down {post-vacation depression}! I guess that is a sign that we both had a wonderful weekend.

Hope yours was wonderful too!

Frugal Love: Post-Its

How about leaving your man some little notes of affection/appreciation/desire in unexpected places? Try his underwear drawer, leave a whole bunch covering the shower door or his computer monitor, stuck on his morning cereal box, or tucked in his Bible or current reading selection. If you're not feeling the love this weekend, it doesn't have to be anything too sentimental. I'm sure he would love something simple like "Thanks for taking out the trash without complaining" or "You are a great provider for our family". It'll only take a minute or two. Your marriage is worth it!

Frugal Love

Hubby and I have, as of late, been returning to the "first things" in our relationship. You know. All the little acts of love and kindness that you express to show you are head-over-heels for another person, which, somehow frequently get lost along the road called marriage. I have received several cards in the mail from my Beloved over the past few weeks, complete with little romantic sketches inside {something Hubster would frequently do while we were dating}. So in an attempt to keep things frugal on my part, here is the little card set I created for him:


I made the envelope as well, using a template I found online. I reduced the size by 50% so that it would fit into his wallet & used a sticker to close the envelope. {You could also probably use a tiny bit of double-stick tape as well}. The card was made from leftover scrapbooking supplies. Perfect for all those really small scraps! I think I'm gonna make about 10 or so at once to use whenever the mood strikes! I scheduled a text message to be sent to him while he was out, including the location of my little surprise.


Total cost: $.10 for the text message {free if your plan includes them}

Sometimes I Pickle Him

Photo by SiFu Renka

There are several books & magazines next to my bed for occasional night time reading. One of them is an anthology of food writings by the famous James Beard, an enormous icon in the food world. Wikipedia goes so far as to say that he "is recognized by many as the father of American gastronomy". {I am a foodie, in case you haven't been reading this blog for long.} I picked up the book and read an essay the other night about pickles. Fascinating stuff. I love me a good pickle. Nowadays, the word "pickle" is pretty much synonymous with a pickled cucumber, but a pickle is any food, which has had the pickling process done to it, yes? {Hang in there, I'll be getting to a point later.} Mostly the food is put into a jar with spices & a vinegar solution. Vinegar. Yum. Useful for many things. Making pickles, salad dressings, and natural cleaning are some that come to mind.

Hold that thought.

Hubster & I had been having some very....um....intense fellowship these last couple of weeks {and I don't mean the nocturnal kind}. It's like something in our communication systems went haywire & the whole husband/wife processes were affected. It wasn't pretty. (I think the virus that infiltrated our communication system was called Stress 5.0). So during system debugging one discussion {where we were talking about our marriage}, I came to realize that I tend to use snappy little {sometimes snide} remarks to try and get my points across. Usually it happens when I think something is really important to me & hubs either doesn't "get it" or I feel he isn't taking me seriously.

Hold that thought too.

Ya know that saying "You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar." Whelp, sometimes I like to use the vinegar. I pour out those vinegary comments on him, hoping that'll get his attention.

Ok. Now take that saying & put them there two thoughts together.....

Yep.

I pickle him. A husband pickle, folks.

I told him that, which served for a great & much needed laugh. And now that I'm more self-aware, I'll be trying my darndest to be that quiet, gentle spirit I know I can be. A crown to my husband, instead of a constant dripping. I'll be using that honey {and maybe a little butter too} to try and get my points across. Out with the pickles!

Anyone else out there making husband pickles? Let's pour the honey on our hubbies together. I'd love to hear from you. You're so close to the comment button already, ya might as well click it.

Good Reads

Here are some of the blogs I've recently stumbled upon that you might find to be "good reads":

Home Sanctuary ~ I *love* this blog. It fits right in with the vision I have for my home. I want this abode to be a sanctuary where people feel warm & welcome.

Blissfully Domestic ~ In case you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a renaissance woman, ya'll. I'm all about being domestic.

The Gentle Art of Ruling Your Husband ~ I'm not too down with the name {specifically the term "ruling"}, but there seems to be lots of good practical stuff here, with plenty of marriage humor to keep you chuckling. Take what you find useful & don't mind the rest. Just don't go throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Let me know if you find something particularly interesting!

Weekend Getaway

This weekend Hubs & I enjoyed a mini-getaway in honor of our anniversary. We have been staying at the same little inn in Indiana for quite a few years, although every once and awhile we do shake things up a bit. This year we went back to our spot there, the Spring House Inn. I paid for a standard room, but due to a mix-up was given a jacuzzi suite! We loved the jacuzzi, but the downside was that this room was smoking. YUK. I almost couldn't take it, but eventually adjusted nicely.

So there you have it! And now you have seen my 32 week belly. I am so glad there are only a few more weeks left to go. Hubs & I enjoyed dinner at Red Lobster on Saturday night {can you believe I saved a gift card since last Christmas??} and a movie, Rendition, following. On Sunday we did some shopping at the huge outlet mall in Michigan City, getting some much needed clothes for myself & a few things for the children. {I also managed to hit the local Jo-Ann's for some fabric & supplies!}

We each bought a magazine to enjoy since we both love to read & I also brought along my very first copy of Ottobre that I received in the mail earlier in the week. I ordered the Autumn 2006 issue as it had the most designs I would be interested in. I disciplined myself not to open the envelope until we arrived at our getaway destination. I can't wait to make something from this. The patterns are so modern & European chic!

The fall colors weren't as fall-ish as they usually are. Everything was still pretty green, which was kind of a bummer. I was wishing everything would've looked like this. Maybe it has something to do with the weather? I know God is a busy guy so maybe He's forgotten to turn the thermostat down {said tongue-in-cheek}! Eighty degrees in late October??? By last night I was missing the girls and ready to come home. Although we both *so* enjoyed getting away & reconnecting, I love being back together as a family & in the comforts of my little home.

Our First Date

October 14, 1996

A mutual friend had introduced us about one month before this date. Rick was presented as captain of the college soccer team that our friend was on. I remember my first impression was that he was very genuine, but kind of...um....dorky. He seemed to make really great conversation and really was interested in what I had to say. I remembered that on our first meeting he grabbed my hand to take me to the foosball table so we could play with some other friends of ours. After talking several times, Rick casually mentioned a movie he wanted to see.

Me: "Oh, yeah. I know that one." {I had no clue what movie he was talking about.}

So we made plans to see it, shortly after I returned from a trip to Florida. I thought about him during the trip, which I found somewhat strange since we had never even had an official date. I even remember writing his name in the sand....

The evening of our date we went to his parents house for dinner. I remember it was leftover KFC. {Romantic, eh?} Then we went to see the aforementioned movie, The Ghost in the Darkness. I remember him holding my hand & me thinking, "What are you doing?? Do you even want to be more than friends with this guy?" Then I would let go of his hand. Then I would hold it again. {Insert typical can't-make-up-her-mind female here.} I remember "pretending" to be scared throughout the movie.

That's about all I remember about our first date. Nothing earth-moving happened. Just two people beginning to chart a course together for some unknown final destination. God's plan was revealed when we were engaged 9 months later. I guess you could say it all started on this same date, 11 years ago. Seems like forever has passed and yet it seems like it wasn't that long ago, all at the same time.

Here's to happy memories ;>)