I am afraid to love her.
I just know that the more I do, the more my heart will break into a million pieces if/when she is taken from me. I am afraid to hold my belly, hoping to feel her moving within, knowing that every kick, every movement only joins my heart a little more with hers. There are times when I am scared to say her name, as every time I do she is that much more a part of our family and lives.
And yet, all the fear aside, I just can't help it. There is nothing anyone can do to keep me from loving my sweet, precious Olivia. Even though it makes no earthly sense to continue to love on, think of, care about, passionately pray for someone who it seems will be gone from me far too soon, I press forward. I am her mama and she is my daughter and there is no medical diagnosis this world can offer up that will ever change that.
Even with my pending heart failure, I am comforted by this verse:
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Ps. 73:25-26
Oh Lord, please strengthen my failing heart. I thank you for the privilege of loving Olivia.