W is for...

Wednesday! Well, not only that, but for Old World Wisconsin, too! Remember how last week we were on break from school? Well, I planned some fun family activities to build great memories and just plain enjoy our time off. We kicked off the week with a visit to a friend. Then on Tuesday, I took the girls to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. {You can sign up for Movie Time emails here for Classic Cinemas and automatically earn yourself a free popcorn coupon. Obviously, you should wait to sign up until you're prepared to use the coupon.} Our BIG outing of the week was to Old World Wisconsin. We packed a picnic lunch and the weather was perfectly lovely for a day outside. It was so much more than a museum. I guess I would classify it as 'living history'; one of the biggest ones in the world at 576 acres. There were animals roaming about the various houses, people tending gardens, a teacher in the schoolhouse, and characters just going about daily chores. This place was great for all ages. The Husband was really excited to go and I'd have to admit that I was too. I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves.

Some of these cast iron stoves were actually lit, so the people 'living' in the house would warn you, in case you had little ones in your group. A lady had just taken some soda bread out of one of the ovens, just as we had arrived.

 

 

Can you tell that I was totally mesmerized by the General Store? I mean...fabric...buttons...yarn!

The girls helping take the wash off the line.

My grandma has a treadle sewing machine just like this one.

I was almost expecting things in the 'exhibits' to be fake, call it "museum mentality". I actually squeezed one of these tomatoes just to be sure.

Check out that cheeeesey smile! I just couldn't help myself to a few little comments here and there. We all loved our week break. I can't wait to plan some fun things for the next one!

Life Lessons from the Veggies

While driving home from a friend's house the other night, our family began to break into song. This happens more than you might think around here, especially with worship songs and tunes on Christian radio. The girls started it and the parents just kinda jumped right in. It's a tune from a Veggie video called, "Where is God when I'm scared?" The part that we belted out was the chorus of song, which went like this:

God is bigger than the Boogie Man.
He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV.
Oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man
And He's watching out for you and me.

I turned to the Husband and said, God is bigger than death {meaning Olivia's} and bigger than unemployment. After a moment of quiet I asked, Could it really be that simple? The Husband said, I think it really is THAT simple. Maybe that's what 'faith like a child' is all about. That we just take what our Father tells us and believe it 100%.

The next morning, Sunday, Hubs went for a run and after coming home said that he had a song stuck in his head the entire time. What song? God is bigger than the Boogie Man....

So, if you were a singing vegetable, how would YOUR song go? "God is bigger than _________."

Trusting the Truth that God is Bigger,

Five Weeks Already?

My creatively developed schedule for this year allows for "5 weeks On and 1 week Off" of school. I think I love it. Last Friday marked the last day of the first 5 week stretch. We are planning some fun field trips for this week and I will be pre-planning for the next five weeks. Here's a look back at what & how things are working for us!

Sienna

Curriculum: Little Hands to Heaven

Bible/History: So far we have studied the Creation Story, Noah, Cain and Abel, Abraham and Sarah, Joseph.

Letters: A-D with all sorts of different actitivies, both fine and gross motor skills. We have learned a weekly rhyme/fingerplay that corresponds to each letter sound and incorporates the current Bible story. Each week we make a large letter on the carpet with blue painter's tape. Makes for a great visual and opportunities for lots of creative play: walking on the letter, walking a stuffed animal on the letter, trying to 'feel' the letter with our feet while our eyes are closed, placing wooden blocks on the letter to cover it up, plus just the constant visual of the letter we are studying. This is a great idea for any-kind-of-schooler for letter recognition!

Numbers: 1-5

Nature: As a means of learning through God's Creation, we are incorporating nature walks into our week and everyday life. We have added several pages to our nature journal, looked up different kinds of birds and flowers online and have caught several spiders to keep as temporary 'pets'. We keep these pets in little glass jars and the most exciting part for the kids is when they spin webs inside the jars. Creepy, I know.

Tatiana

Curriculum: Adventures in My Father's World

Bible: The Hubs is handling the Bible section. They are studying a different 'name' of Jesus each week and are making a Names of Jesus poster. There is also a memory verse that goes along with each week and the two of them have been looking up lots of different Bible verses (Sword Drill!) and discussing them. This has been a really great way to get Dad involved in schooling and a practical way that he can demonstrate his spiritual leadership of our family.

History: Pilgrims. Again. I balked at this fact when I decided to switch curriculum, but find it working out more pleasantly than I thought. I think being a year older, Tatiana can learn at a deeper level and since the subject matter is somewhat familiar, she can focus on more specifics. We've also started a U.S. Notebook, which will be filled with various pages pertaining to U.S. History, including a brief study page on each of the 50 States. So far it has a few patriotic songs and some copywork/picture pages based on what we've been reading.

Book Basket: We love the book basket! This is just a collection of library books pertaining to our History topic. Tatiana looks through the books for 15 minutes a day. As long as she is reading them, she can pick and choose any one in the basket. The best part is that our the writers of our Christian curriculum have already pre-read all of the recommended books and they are listed in the appendix. I reserve all the ones I want online through our library system and just go pick them up when ready. This would be a great addition to any-kind-of-schooler's day, for supplemental parent-approved reading time!

Handwriting: We are using Pictures in Cursive by Queen Homeschool and really love it. Each group of lessons is actually a picture study of a fine piece of artwork. I love the idea that Tatiana is being exposed to great art and that it is integrated with the cursive lessons, as opposed to just writing something unrelated like "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog".

Spelling: We are using Spelling Wisdom. She learns to identify 'trouble' words and these become her spelling words. Each lesson is a quote, virtue, or piece of good literature. Tatiana learns to spell the words through a serious of specific steps and the 'test' is actually a dictation of the lesson. Again, I love that the words are within the context of a good value, instead of just random words. It's a reminder to me to discuss some of these virtues and what they mean for our everyday lives

Read-Aloud: Squanto, Friend of the Pilgrims by Clyde Bulla

Independent Reading: So far, Tatiana has polished off Kit Kitteredge: An American Girl, Mystery in the Theatre: An American Girl Mystery, and a biography of Helen Keller. She has just started on a book called Hannah.

Math: We are still plugging along with Singapore Math. I have thought about switching many times, but have been unsure whether the curriculum is the problem or whether it's just a weak spot for this particular child. I've come to the conclusion that I think it's a little of both. I am supplementing with flash card, fun workbooks pertaining to the exact skill being learned (multiplication/division) and the biggest change so far has been my/our attitudes. We are playing lots of games to MAKE MATH FUN. I think if it's not such a drag for Tati then it won't be one for me either. I've found ideas for dice games, math bingo games, and more.

Science: We've had some intro lessons one What Science Is and What Scientist Do and right now are focusing on constellations and His Creation of the universe. I highly recommend the book Constellations for Every Kid by Janice Van Cleave. I find it very extraordinary for parental learning as well as for children loaded with great activities to make star-gazing doable for the everyday kid. I hope to squeeze in some of these activities this week, as the kiddos will be able to stay up later since we won't have our normal school schedule during the days.

And I can't neglect to leave my little guy out. He's what makes me want to pull my hair out our school days challenging!

Phew! Thanks for humoring my school days recap!

Quatro Meses

It has been four long months.

Four months...

...since Olivia left us....

...of snuggling and sleeping with a baby blanket, instead of with a baby...

...of painful memories...

...of trying to put back together the pieces of all that has been broken...

...since the miracle we hoped for was lost...

...of longing for Heaven like never before...

...of spoiling our other three children on earth...

...of trying to make sense of that which just can't be understood...

...of sleepless nights and tear-stained pillows...

...of wondering what Olivia's legacy will be...

...of running to God and running away from Him...

...of imagining how things could've turned out differently...

...of dreaming of how Olivia looks in her Heavenly body...

...of missing the joy of another daughter.

Oh, Olivia. Mommy still cries great big tears for you. How I selfishly wish you were here.  It seems like forever since I felt your little fluttery kicks. My heart still aches to have you near and hold you in my arms. Will our family ever feel complete while we are seperated by eternity? Will my heart ever feel whole again? I miss you, sweet baby girl. I miss you something awful.

The Gathering

I just finished reading another novel. I guess I might officially be considered a bookworm. I read The Memory Keeper's Daughter; a book about a choice a man made which altered the course of his life and many of the lives around him.

The year was 1964. A surgeon and his wife were pregnant with their first child. There was a snowstorm and no time to make it to the hospital. The baby, a son, was delivered in his medical office by the surgeon and his nurse. They used gas to make laboring women unconscious in those days. There was a second baby. Unexpected twins. But something wasn't quite right. A daughter. With Down's Syndrome. This father made a choice. To send the baby to an institution. Not totally uncommon in those days. It was all in the nurse's hands now. He was trying to spare his wife some grief, but he didn't realize the ripple effect that his choice would create. 

I won't divulge any more to you, in case you decide to read it. I guess it was particularly moving for me because I could relate to the way that some of the characters behaved because of their grief. Near the beginning of the book I found myself wondering if I could continue reading it. It was as if the author was explaining the innermost workings of grief that I didn't want displayed in writing for all the world to read. One of the lines the author uses, when referring to the choice the surgeon makes at the time of delivery, is that it was "the moment around which all others would gather". I think I read and reread that line many times. That just makes a world of sense to me. It's almost as if that powerful life moment is magnetic; everything happening beyond that time drawn in around it. I wonder if that is what Olivia's life and death will be for me. A defining moment. A lens through which I view everything else that happens from this point forward. A moment around which all would others will gather. It has irreversibly shaped me, for sure. But then I got to thinking about another moment.

The year was 1993. A fifteen year old girl sits in the middle of simple church somewhere over-the-border in Mexico. She is on a missions trip, planning to evangelize and help with house building in the barrios. She knew God and thought she was going to Heaven. After all, she was a 'good' girl and had heard about Jesus. Why wouldn't He let her in? At one of their first nightly sessions, a pastor and a musician gave an altar call. If you choose to believe in Him, give your life over to Him, and to live for Him, please come forward. Every other student in attendance flocked to the front in reply. Every single one. But not this girl. She somehow understood the gravity of the moment, the seriousness of this decision, one that would change her life forever and seal her eternal destination. She wasn't moved by emotion, but sat in deep contemplation, counting the cost of what this decision would mean. Finally, after many tears and much thought and prayer, she went forward. I believe, in that moment, the angels sang a little louder. A moment around which all others would gather.

Two completely different moments. That second one making the first one more bearable. Both, I believe, meant for the same purpose. To draw me to Jesus.

Missing at the Zoo

       Dear Olivia,

       Today would've been your first trip to the zoo. If things had gone as I had planned, you would be only a few weeks old by now. With that considered, you probably would've slept through most of this outing! I found myself missing you a lot today. Maybe because today fell into the 'special family outing' category and so my motherly heart just felt incomplete without you here. While driving to Madison, I even looked back several times in the mini-van, trying to imagine your little car-seat there, amongst your brother and sisters. Would I have had to 'shush' them so as not to wake you up? Your big brother would not have understood. Maybe by now, you would have adjusted to his screeeeches and learned to sleep through them.

       We traveled with another family, some of our nearest and dearest friends. While stopping at a restaurant on the way, Mommy's friend let me carry their one-year-old baby girl inside. I loved unbuckling her from her little carseat and the feeling of her weight of against my body. That was a gift to me. I managed to croak out some words of thanks, but I'm not sure my friend could really understand that gift of just letting me hold her daughter. It made me miss you more and less, all at the same time. We used the double stroller at the zoo, although one seat remained empty for most of the time. I thought it fitting though. You should've been there, Olivia, in that empty seat.

       Your sisters were so excited to move from exhibit to exhibit. Your brother though, was just anxious to find a way to get out of that stroller! I think he was tired of being strapped in. I know you wouldn't have minded though, being so little. Would we have taken the snuggly along for you to ride in? Or maybe the baby sling? It was such a beautiful day. Perfect weather for a newborn, really. It was kinda ironic in a way, because it was raining and drearily miserable at home, but mildly warm with sunny blue skies at the zoo. In my version of Heaven, the weather would be just like it was today.

       Your dad and I read many of the signs that accompanied each exhibit, trying to fit in some learning for your sisters along the way. At one particular stop, we watched an American Black Bear roaming around his fake habitat. At about the same time, both Dad and I read that the black bear babies are born weighing less than a pound-and-a-half. I cradled my arms and cried out, "That was about the size of Olivia!" It was amazing to look at that big black bear and think that once upon a time he was just so itty bitty.

       We built some nice memories as a family today. Even though you were not physically here, sweet girl, you were ever present, my thoughts of you intertwined with those memories being made. On our way home, despite some lingering sadness, I remember looking out the window, sunglasses on, warmth on my face and being reminded of my devotional this morning on Deuteronomy 30:19 about a choice that I have. A choice that has been so hard for me to make, to just keep on living and not let myself wither away inside. But I think you would've been proud of me as your Momma today. Because in that moment, even though I was missing you terribly, I said to myself, "I choose life." And that was a great moment, I think. It is only more evidence of how someone so small (you!) has had such great impact, even beyond the grave.

       I'm sure your day was perfect today, as I would think all days in Heaven are. Just know that even though you are gone from this earth, you are not forgotten and are still missed dearly. Especially on days like today.

       Love,

       Mommy

Drumroll please...

By way of a random number generator, the winner of the Hair Candy is...

comment #3:  

stephanie said...

Becki their lovely. You're so stinkin' crafty!

3:01 PM

That's the stephanie from Daily Smiles! (Not to be confused with the Stephanie from Like a Fish Out of Water). So send me your details stephanie and your Hair Candy will be on it's way!

And to answer your questions:

I would love to take orders, but no, I do not have Etsy. I guess I've always been worried that it would just be another thing to have to 'keep up with', if you know what I mean. If something like these hair bows interests you and you find a picture online, drop me an email and I can see what we can come up with!

Hair Candy

It has been quite the stressful week, to put it mildly. Thankfully not particularly grief related stress, but more business/financial stress. That and we dove into our homeschooling year with a 3rd grader and a newly crowned preschooler. What's a girl to do when the stress-o-meter is in the red zone? A whole lotta prayin' of course!

But a little crafty project doesn't hurt either and since I've been wanting to make some of these 'boutique-style hairbows' for quite a bit now, this seemed like the perfect time to do it. I headed over to Hobby Lobby where all the ribbons where 50% off to get some supplies. Armed with a slew of tutorials from this website, a good chick flick, and my design consultant (a.k.a. world's best sister-in-law), I was ready to get creative!

The results?

:: close-up ::

:: the daughters & my niece 'putting their heads together' ::

Some of the ribbon folding (or in my case, finnagling) was a little trickier than I expected, but I muddled through. Unfortunately, one of my creations came a little 'undone' the next day, which I consider a lesson to be learned. The whole idea is a totally-over-the-top accessory that is the icing on the cake of a cute outfit or cute kid, as it were.



I really do love these. Love 'em. I was especially tickled that my four-year-old was just delighted throughout the day to have it in her hair. She even requested to wear it again when we went out later that night. I can't wait to make more, but am waiting until the ribbons go on sale again, of course!

And since I've really felt the love from your comments lately, I am giving one away! This creation (slightly different than the ones above) can be yours for a sweet little girl in your life.


It is attached to a metal french clip, so your girlie would have to have some hair to clip it to (or maybe save it for when she has enough)! Simply leave your name in the comments section to enter. You have until Tuesday at midnight to comment and I will announce the winner on Wednesday morning.

Good luck!

One lump or two?

Yes. I'm still alive. I really don't have much that's monumental to say. It's confusing to be writing posts about parties, recipes, homeschooling or crafts on one day and writing about my emotional pain and grief on the next. I'm not sure if it seems fitting to be mixing those things all up together. There really isn't any better picture though, than to see all those things sitting side-by-side, even if it doesn't make a lot of topical sense. That's my life. It might not look pretty. It might look confusing. But it is what it is. So bear with me as this blog continues as a melting pot of joy, sadness, practicality and creativity. And now, I have some catching up to do....

********************************

What type of birthday does the child of a creative mother have? A non-traditional one, for sure! My not-quite-eight-at-the-time daughter chose an American Girl tea party as her theme. We created our own invitations:


Frugal party games, including musical chairs, ping-pong ball toss, and pin-the-bow-on-the-American-Girl:

Those little white flower papers aren't supposed to be there, but little fingers got to the poster before I could take a picture!

Don't laugh. I'm no artist. I just try really hard. We decorated with pink and white streamers, china tea cups with cloth napkins, pink party plates, and every little girl guest got a small crown. This is a fancy tea party, after all.


For treats, we had chocolate shortbread cookies, elephant ears, and what would a proper tea party be without scones?? Improper, that's what. I had plenty of help, of course.



I made the same scone recipe {Buttermilk Scones from Baking with Julia}, but divided the dough for kids and adults: chocolate chip with cinnamon sugar for the Littles and Door County dried berry scones for the Bigs. I even made a faux clotted cream for spreading on top. Can you gather yet that I used to work at a tea room? The younger guests drank apple juice instead of tea and the adults had java. Did I mention that I made my very first ice cream cake? The birthday girl requested one and....do you know how crazy expensive those things are to buy at the ice cream shop?


The birthday girl received many lovely gifts, along with some cute new things for Mia, her American Girl doll. Here are the two of them sporting their nifty swim gear:


I hope that everyone had a lovely time. I know these guests did:

See that kinda scary looking doll all the way on the left? That was one of my mom's first dolls and the first of it's kind with movable legs!

Tatiana and all the Grandmas. Yes. She has many. At one time, she had 6 living Grandmas!
(from left to right: my step-mom, my Grandma, my mom with Tatiana, and my mother-in-law}

Celebrating my Eight year old blessing,

A Tasty Motto

:: Life is short........lick the bowl!::

Shoulda been

I have scheduled and rescheduled this post so many times that I've lost count. I wrote this not too long after Olivia died, but at the time felt that it sounded very much like I was wallowing in my sea of grief and almost seemed just too sad to publish, if you can gather that. I decided to save it and have actually read it time and time again for my own benefit. So, I am posting it today, August 2, 2009, in honor of Olivia's due date. Even if I am not consumed with the Shoulda beens as much as I was in the early days, I still think it gives excellent insight into the type of grief I've experienced. Here is the post, in it's entirety, which has been waiting for this day:


Once upon several weeks ago, Hubs was having a really bad morning. He was truck driving, but not driving the 'usual' truck & just couldn't figure this 'new' one out. The thing just wouldn't cooperate. So he calls me for some prayer. At 5:58. AM! {You mean people are actually awake & functioning at that hour? But I digress.} Anyways, I pray for him for awhile, then fall back asleep. He calls again at 6:21 AM for more prayer. Yes. It was that shocking to my system that I remember the *exact* time. I told him if this continued all day, I'd have to hire a nanny just so that I could effectively be his prayer warrior. This time, he had gotten the gears figured out {praise God!}, but was upset about how much time had been wasted. He should've been so much farther along than he was. He shoulda been way down the road, but he was only not-as-far along. And what did I have the nerve wisdom to say?



Don't worry about where you should've been. All you can do is focus on where you are now.



I've thought about that morning from time to time, what I told him {those words stayed with him for the rest of the day}, and boy does that medicine taste pretty yucky now! Sometimes my thoughts are filled with Shouldas, especially on Sundays when the 'new' pregnancy week would have started. So this last Sunday it was 'Shoulda been 33 weeks pregnant'. Shoulda been bringing up the bassinet & cleaning up the car seat. Shoulda been planning a co-ed nursery, picking out paint, sewing new curtains. Shoulda still been working on Olivia's middle name {we never did end up giving her one}. Shoulda been getting back massages from Hubs due to pregnancy back pain. Shoulda been cherishing little kicks and bumps and tumbles from Olivia. Shoulda been feeling excited, nervous, happy, anxious.

And then I remember my own advice. There is nothing I can do about where I Shoulda been. Nothing. All I can do is focus on where I am now.

I guess the hard part about doing that is that so much of what I am grieving is what Shoulda been. Since we didn't know Olivia outside of the womb, it is not even so much that I am grieving her, just grieving over.....what Shoulda been, but never will be. I think ahead to her first Christmas. Shoulda been. I think ahead to May 14, 2010. Shoulda been. To all the games of "attack the dad" where there Shoulda been four little bodies piled on top, instead of only three. To girly times together where one of my girls will always be missing. A million Shoulda beens.

Focusing on now means coming face-to-face with the idea that I will forever have an Olivia shaped hole in my heart. Until the day that I die. And that thought is just so, so painful. But it also means, trying to enjoy this moment. Hugging my babies here on earth. Crying when I need to. Laughing when I can. Praying that joy, for me, is right around the corner.


Longing for what Shoulda been~

Eight Years in Pictures

:: 2001 ::

:: 2002 ::

:: 2003 ::

:: 2005 ::

:: 2006 ::

:: 2007 ::

:: 2008 ::

:: 2009 ::

Happy eighth birthday to my joke-telling, rule following, High School Musical loving, bright, beautiful, too-wise-for-her-age, sensitive, thoughtful, little-sibling-adoring, first-born daughter. May our lives be blessed with you for many more years to come!