Tuesday, January 22, 2008

the WHOLE truth

"I'm so blue-hoo-hoo, blue-hoo-hoo, blue-hoo-hoo-HOO, I'm so blue, I don't know what to do."
~Madame Blueberry

I received an email recently from a dear friend with "the truth" as the subject line. The email contained four small, but potent words: How are you doing? So I thought I'd share the truth here. I'm a little blue. Maybe it's just my hormones trying to return back to normal. Maybe it's trying to find the time that a busy household requires to take care of everything and everyone. Maybe it's the mental and physical fogginess that sleep-deprivation causes. Hubby keeps telling me that we're all "still adjusting". Well, I wish we would all just adjust and then move on already! He cares for me so much that I have a sneaky suspicion that he called the aforementioned friend and asked her to check up on me. He also called my mom and surprised me by having her spend the night on Friday so we could go to dinner & our small group {with the nursing baby, of course}! He tries to let me get some time to myself so I can scrapbook, think about sewing {my sewing machine got sick and died about 3 weeks ago, but that is another saga}, or just lay zombie-like on the couch, like I did last night. He is trying his best to take care of me and the children, but nonetheless, sometimes I just want to cry or scream or just hop in the car and drive away from it all. I think sleep deprivation makes it a lot harder for me to control my emotions as well! I am praying that, like I mentioned in my last FUNschooling post, that I would, Do my best and let God take care of the rest. I am praying that somehow God would fill in those places in the girls' lives that need a little filling. I pray that He would give me this day, my daily bread. So now you know, in the midst of all my other light-hearted or crafty-type posts, how I'm really doing.

How long before you felt like you fell into a rhythm with a new baby? Is there anything that you would do or tell yourself to get through the blues?


Beth said...

Oh Becki...I am praying for you. And I know exactly how you are feeling! There are many times that I just pray for nap time to hurry up and get here and then I cry while I am riding my bike because I don't know how I am going to make it through the rest of the day. Lack of sleep is the hardest thing about having a new baby. Hang in there! There are some days I still want to pull my hair out but this past six months has flown by so fast. Take it a day at a time. Remind yourself (I know it's hard) that this too shall pass. I now wish that I could have my kids sleeping on my chest again. But at the time, I wondered when they would ever sleep in their own beds...would I be sleeping with my teenage children still cuddled up next to me? Try to laugh often even when you feel like crying because sometimes that is what makes all the difference. Not too much longer and this tough stage will be over. I am going to call you.

Anna said...

To be honest, I still have those days...okay honestly those weeks. Life is hard isint' it? Know that you are not alone. I wish we could all wave our magic wands and make things better for each other. I'll be waving my magic prayer wand anyway!

Jori said...

I have so been there. Keep praying and do take time for yourself. Don't wish it away, I still want Emma buried in my neck sleeping soundly. Please be careful though, I turned a different leaf after I had my boy. WHat I thought was baby blues turned out to be a little something more. Thus was the case after me having a boy, every single person is way different when it comes to that. I will continue to pray for you daily, if you need something let me know.

Stephanie said...

I can't say completely that I know how you are feeling. I had a few weeks after Audrey like that where I almost dreaded hearing my kids in the morning because that meant I had to get up and start it ALL OVER AGAIN. But, mine passed fairly quickly once I found my routine. I haven't had a third baby though. I just had one baby sleeping and only one other to chase around.

All I can say is I definitely think it's time for you (and baby, of course) to come over one evening and we can have a good chat, or cry, whichever is necessary, and just hang out after my kiddos go to bed. Josh is still working nights, so it would work out great. Let me know what you think. Call me when you have a free minute and we'll figure something out.

And know I'm praying!

Erin said...

I do remember feeling more overwhelmed when I had Kendell. Life got really crazy for me. Sean started at his new company and left me when Kendell was only 5 days old. I certainly don't think I would have made it through that first week if my mom hadn't been there tending to each of my childrens needs and allowing me to be as involved as I wanted to be.

I usually have a long burst of energy and restlessness right after I deliver which can cause me to commit to many things that could make me feel overwhelmed. Its this feeling of not wanting to appear lazy-so I try to do everything. I don't know if that is a feeling that you have but please know that if you do feel this way...writing a list of the things that you would like to get done for the day(we are talking a minimal list)might help you see only the things that you NEED to do and help you feel accomplished for finishing the list.

I think there is a TON to be said for a six hour sleep at one time. Especially breast feeding moms usually feel like it just isn't fair that they can't sleep when their spouses are snoring next to them. Sean still to this day wakes up and gets Kendell for me so that I can feed her, and then promptly returns her to her crib.(and yes...my baby doesn't sleep throught the night...we are working on that!)

Be careful not to isolate yourself during this time. We benefit from seeing you!!!! And I enjoyed talking with you last week.

Thank you for sharing! I will be keeping you in prayer. You could pray that my Kendell sleeps through the night ;)



Anonymous said...

I hoped this helped you dear friend. It always helps to know you are not the only who has gone through this. I'll spare you my details knowing you already know of them so just know I'm praying for you and Love you lots! Will be calling you for that day very soon! ;0)

Saralyn said...

How I remember! I think sleep is a huge helper at this point. Can you set a time when your girls can read or watch a video or rest themselves so you can nap when the baby's napping? My kids are all elementary school age and I still need this some days!

Don't just tell yourself to get over it, take it to the Lord Who cares so deeply about you. Ask Him for strength that only He can supply. Ask Him to change your perspective. Finding things to be thankful for also raises the spirits. It takes the focus off the suffering you're enduring and puts it on the Giver of good things. Be encouraged, you are being a servant to the least of these, which pleases the Lord. He sees your sacrifice. And she who loses her life will find it.

I'll be praying for you!

Mon said...

I went through the same thing last winter when my son was born. I didn't have the other little one's to take care of throughout the day like you, but I got very depressed from lack of sleep. Just when I would get tired enough to nap, I would have to go pick my daughter up from school. The first 3 weeks after my delivery was the hardest because I went through an emergency c-section that I was not prepared for. I freaked out! And I had complications with my daughter 5 years earlier. I was very afraid to get pregnant again. But now I am thinking we may just have another baby one day. I'm sure it's normal to go through the emotions.

Christin said...

Bless your heart. I completely understand.

for me, it took about 6 weeks with my last one. Physically though it was longer. I had to take Progesterone for months to avoid preterm labor. And my body cleansing itself of that was horrible.

Just do what you can. And don't worry about the rest. Grace Grace Grace for YOURSELF