He Provides: Undeserved

I was feeling desperate. Again. I was driving home from somewhere and crying out to God. Again. Where will the money come from now, Lord? Where? December was beautifully snowy, granting the Husband lots of work removing it. January was...nada. My finite mind reviewed all the possibilities, carefully calculating dollar amounts and potential sources.  Wasn't I just saying the day before that sometimes God has a plan, has an option that we've never even thought of yet? That He always provides. Silly, silly girl. I felt the movement in my Spirit urging me on and with five little letters He provided in an enormously unexpected way.

Taxes.

I expected something. But this? THIS was beyond my wildest expectations. And honestly, I felt like there must be some mistake because good things just don't happen to me.  

Anymore.  

I know, in my mind, that God is good. That He hasn't changed. But I think after living with struggle and then the pain of grief for so long, my heart began to wonder.

I feel so undeserving. Undeserving of outrageous kindness; of over-abundant provision. After much thought, I just keep coming back to the same notion. If I feel totally undeserving of His choice in abundant provision, how much more undeserving I am for the work He has done for me on the cross, for His immense love, for the hope I have in Him, for the riches of His grace.

Be blessed,