I am still here. Trudging through life. And I want to explain why. Why it's difficult to post as much as I'd like to.
I should probably start this post by turning the calendar back a few months. It was about mid-August and the Husband was merrily driving a dump truck for someone else and was approached about a job opportunity for our small business. After much debate, prayer and wise counsel, we decided to accept this opportunity to do staffing and management for heavy machinery operators for a short-term project, with the hope that more short-term projects would follow. We felt, and still do, that God was leading us in that direction and that His blessing was on our decision. Unfortunately, "short-term" has turned out to be much shorter than we were led to believe and have had only one great month of work.
It was a exciting, sometimes stressful, logistical roller coaster that we have been on, going from the Husband as our only employee to a team of about twelve. I went from crafty, homeschooling, full-time mom, to being the newly crowned CFO of our little company. We were so blessed to have been able to provide work for others who needed it and for that, I am grateful. Now, though, the roller coaster has come to a screeching halt. The job progressed faster than expected. The weather has been rainy here, not conducive to the type of truck work that we have been involved with. So we waited for the ground to dry up. And waited. And waited some more.
Today is the first (partial) day of work for the month of October and the month is nearly half over. No work means no money. We are both scared. We are selling off personal possessions now and the Husband gave his first plasma donation last week. Even amidst much prayer, I have that heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's so difficult not to worry, even though I know that it won't add an hour to my life. I shake my head in disbelief that after all we have gone through already this year that God would still ask more of me. I already feel so beaten down by life and to even think about losing the home that I cherish seems like just more than I could handle. Grief is particularly taxing on a marriage, not to mention the added stress of our job situation. To put it nicely, it just makes things not-so-pretty around here sometimes.
All of that job tumult makes it hard to post about other things. Things like new recipes, what a great privilege it is to be a mom, how much I love fall, the blessing of great friends, the amazing adventure we call homeschooling, and the goodness of and wrestling with God through all these struggles.
Lately when the people that love me casually ask, "So how are you?", I have come up with my own version of an honest & clever answer: Do you want me to tell you the truth or do you want me to say 'fine' just so you can be comfortable?
The Husband has his own answer:
Life is rough, but God is good.
I think I like his better.