Saturday, July 04, 2009

The Ugly

As in, the trio, along with the good and the bad. I know I've been MIA. And now you'll know why. Since the ground beneath me keeps threatening to open up and swallow me whole, I didn't really think you'd want to hear about it. I don't want pity, but judging from some of the kind emails I've been getting {sorry about not responding to those!} I figured that ya'll still care about little 'ole me.

The Vehicles

They have all broken down. On the same day. To pretty much un-driveable status. One has been repaired and cost more to fix than my mortgage payment. The other one, well, it's turned into a three-ring-circus. We thought it was fixed. Then it wasn't. Then it was. Now, it isn't. Catch all that? It is still at the repair shop awaiting some details to be worked out. I guess one working vehicle is better than none. My lawnmower broke last week as well. That was the back-up lawnmower. The first one hasn't been working for some time now. I might really have to buy that goat I've been thinking about.

The Loo
That's bathroom, in case you aren't familiar with UK-speak. It flooded last week. You know that little hole in the sink that's supposed to drain out the excess water if you fill the sink too much? Well, apparently mine doesn't work. A small child brushed their teeth, left the water running a bit, turned off the light and closed the door. Thankfully I was staying up late, but didn't realize the situation until several hours later, after the whole floor, cabinet and drawers underneath, and most of the hallway outside the bathroom door were converted into our own personal indoor pool. I've always wanted one of those. Just not this poor man's version.

The Job
There isn't one. Again. The owner of the dump truck Hubs was driving decided to sell it. I can either consider it depressing or encouraging that I didn't even really cry over this or barely even panic. My honest thoughts were, "Great. Here we go again." I guess when you've been through what I've been through the last few months, being unemployed {with no unemployment check} doesn't seem so daunting. HE has sustained us for the last six months, has carried us through losing our daughter, and I'm sure HE will still be here for wherever this road goes. I am honestly so sick & tired of this specific roller coaster. It is just beyond frustrating.

The Vacay
So considering all that, we did what any already grieving people should do...we took a vacation. That probably sounds totally ridiculous, but it was just what we needed. Not financially, mind you, but spiritually and emotionally. I didn't think I would actually enjoy myself, but there were several times when I was startled by the sound of my own laughter. That hasn't happened in a long time. The kids were in good hands, the scenery was wonderful, the quality time with my husband was even better. We talked. I cried. We gained perspective. We came home ready to face the world again.

So there you have it. Some of the time I am trying not to focus on what I am actually having to walk through. Some of the time I either want to laugh hysterically or cry uncontrollably. Typing all that out just now, it seems like my life is more like the plot to some sordid comedy movie, where a poor bloke who's totally down on his luck ends up seeing his fortune totally reversed. Well, that's what I'm praying for myself anyways {Ps. 126}.

If you've made it this far through my post, you must really love me :>)


stephanie said...

Oh my goodness, I'm almost sorry I asked where you were! I think taking a vacation was the best thing you guys did. The other "stuff" Yeah that's really ugly, but all fixable. The lack of a jod does stink, will pray hard for that to resolve quickly.The best part of your post... you laughed!Good thing you took that vacay.

chris mitch travis cana said...

hey again...i remember the feeling of "Lord...seriously? this too?! On top of just dealing with my normal emotions, add grief to that, and then pile this on top...and everything comes unraveled. It's hard enough just managing emotions on a "good" day.

I jokingly laughed during conversation with God..saying, "um, this is sort of a deal breaker."

Yes..He always comes thru. Yes, we get stronger in our faith, stronger in our hope for better times, stronger in our love for what we have and who we have. But some days, it can seem too much. My prayer for your "some days" is that you just know with all you've got and then some,..that you are not alone. I have hope because you do. I hope to do the same for you.

Stephanie said...

We definitely still love you! ;-) We were just thinking about you today and wondering where you've been. Thanks for the update - it helps us know how to pray more specific for you. Seriously, if you need ANYTHING, please let us know. We're here!

Joan Carr said...

Oh MY, Sometimes god comes through in big ways and other times He comes through in bigger way. Sometimes the most difficult times are the best ones with the Lord.
Still thinking of you and praying for your adventures through this life.

Anna said...

Aww Bec, I was hoping for the best but expecting the worst. I just had a feeling something was up. I was torn between giving you your space and prying ;) I'll email you soon and will be praying. Love u.

Stephen Baird said...

hello rios family
nikonsniper steve baird

Peaceful Chaoz said...

Love you!!! Praying for you and praising that little bit of laughter and time spent with the hubby! :0)

chadandnikki said...

Wow. I really hope this is a better week for you. At least you're laughing some.

Ebe said...

ARGH! I hate that things just seem to pile up on you. Living with grief and the separation of our children is too much, and THEN you add other life just sucks.
I'm so sorry.

Praying for some peaceful days.


~*~elizabeth said...
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