Thursday, July 09, 2009

Talk About It: Close-up

A child photographer frequently sees things differently through the lens than I would. For example:

Everything is a close-up. When I discovered these pictures on my camera, it reminded me of the trip I took last week and this special mirror that was in our bathroom at the inn. I believe it's for applying make-up or other facial treatments and allows you to see all the minute details of your face, close-up. I'm not sure I appreciate being able to see every little hair, crease, and pore! I started thinking about my relationships and relationships in general. How often do I let people get really close? Not physically, mind you, but emotionally close enough to see all the my flaws and imperfections. Nearly everyone looks great from a distance and I'm sure that's true in relationships too.

What about you? How close do you let people come? Always at arm's length? Allow a few close friends in close enough to see your nitty gritty?
Too scary to let anyone see the 'real you'?

Anticipating a good chat,

I'll give my proper response in the comments section....

P.P.S. Yep. That's me smiling in the first picture. That does happen more often these days....


Stephanie said...

Not close at all! Always at arm's length! Nobody but God truly knows my nitty gritty. Definitely TOO scary to let anybody see the real me!

I've always wanted a girlfriend that I could 'bear my soul' to, but it hasn't happened... I have trust issues apparently.

Peaceful Chaoz said...

Great topic! And its nice to see that smile, would like to see it personally though;0) Next week sometime?

My answer:
Pretty sure you know all of this about me, but thought I would still participate. I am a recovering people pleaser. Recovering meaning I think this will always be a part of me and something that I have to deal with but am slowly learning the only one I truly need to please is our God, and the rest sort of just falls into place ;0) Because I used to be such a people pleaser though I would tend to say or do things that I knew would get a good response. Not put on a show persay but keep things at a good pace to not ruffle any feathers. Make sure everyone is feeling "happy" and that I wasn't the cause of any harm or sadness, which resulted in me always being "happy" (or pretending to be anyway) so that we could all feel upbeat and positive! I laugh because I remember my counselor saying, Wow you think really highly of yourself to think you can control everyone elses actions and feelings around you. At that moment (literally) my face fell and the truth hit me smack dab in my heart. It was God speaking to me through her!! And really I liked what you said a few posts ago or maybe it was commenting on one of mine about how you are just to tired to pretend anymore, and thats a point I got to. It was exhausting holding the world in the palm of my hand (this is spoken sarcastcially of course
;0) I only wanted to be real if other people around me were real. That way I could feel safe. And I really have never felt "safe".

But its not really about me feeling safe anymore. Its about knowing that God can use what I have been or am going through for His purpose, I just have to let Him. Well honestly He may just use me anyway, only I think its best to just let Him, rather than do it kicking and screaming ;0) Its still hard. I am still careful about what I say and to listen to His voice about timing. Don't always get this right. I don't think i hold anyone at arms link unless something truly drastic has happened and i've just had to take a step back (boundaries), but I also don't run to everyone and say everything, i have only a few close gals and my hubby that i can share ANYTHING with. And i still fall into the worrying that people will like me and that i don't offend anyone, but thankfully I have freinds (like you ;0) and a wonderful husband who can let me know when that's happening! Its more freeing just being me and letting God work within me, even writing this has left me feeling somewhat more refreshed. i think i feel a post coming on,lol :0)
Did I answer all the questions or did i get sidetracked in writing my novel? :0)

love you girl!!

chadandnikki said...

I let the hubs and Mom in really close, but that's about it. It's hard to be open with everyone, because it seems that everyone doesn't want the whole picture. They don't want to see it all.

Anonymous said...

A few close girlfriends and hubster. That's all I need. Everyone else is at an arms length for me. I do have a few trust issues I think but the gals I am able to bear my soul to I trust, so all is good.

stephanie said...

I love the first pic, you look great "up close".
I've let a lot of people get a view of me through my blog. Most of what I write(the serious stuff, not the fluff) I wouldn't say to anyone. I have to admit, no one knows all of me. But, is it necessary for everyone to see every thing..nah. I wouldn't want to know everything about everyone, that's Gods job.
I think if you have a few people in your life, that if you choose to, you could tell them anything and know they won't judge you or drop dead from shock you are very blessed. And if I can be that person to some one than the blessing is doubled.
This was a cool post Becky!

Dana said...

I love your pictures!

I guess my blog is the closest thing I have to that friend you can tell anything to. I long for the face-to-face, cry on your shoulder friend, but I tend to keep everyone in an outer loop so that they can't see my twisty insides.

You may not believe it, but your blog has been so encouraging to me and posts like this one really get me thinking!


Saralyn said...

I crave up-close relationships, but I totally believe the key to being real is being able to admit, "I suck; I really do." (Ok. It's out there.) Every now and then I get it right, but I can't realistically live in those moments and it's my ridiculous pride that forces me to keep up appearances. I mean, really, do YOU know any perfect people? So for starters my house is dirty, my prayer life is barely limping along, I am addicted to desert, and have serious pride issues and have probably hurt just about every person I know.

I don't want to perform for people, and I don't want them to perform for me. I've been that self-righeous gal who demands folks jump through my hoops way too many times, but God is so gracious with me and is teaching me that I need His constant mercy, and so does everybody else. So I'm learning to say, "I was wrong," and "Please forgive me," and trying to love like Jesus even when it mean being very uncomfortable.

Rebecca said...

@Steph: I hope you find that 'girlfriend' you've longed for.....there is such great risk in letting someone get that close, but I have to believe there is great reward too.

@PC: Even though I knew all that about you, maybe someone will read it & realize something about themselves. I *loved* how you said that it really isn't about feeling safe anymore, that it's about letting God use what you're going through. YES! That's huge. That's a sacrifice; giving up your safety, comfort, privacy, risking what others will think in order for Him to take those ugly parts of your life and hopefully help someone else heal or see His glory in it. Whoa.

@Dana: Glad you're here! Blogs can be such a blessing, dontcha think?!

@Saralyn: Wow. That was real. I have actually really come to enjoy giving people grace. Strange, but true. I just was realizing that even as I typed it!

Rebecca said...

My Official Response: I hope that judging from the tone of my blog, it is evident that I want to be real and that I want to let people in close enough to see my flaws, my brokenness, my sometimes-scary-thoughts and the good stuff too. I think that when we're vulnerable with others, it gives them the freedom to share their hearts too. Like I mentioned in the previous comment, that is such a sacrifice for us to make. I would hate to know that someone around me feels like they don't have anyone that they can pour their heart out to or to completely let their guard down with. If that means me being vulnerable, so that my friend feels like maybe they can reveal some of their true self, then that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.

I think about the parable of the loaves & fishes. Can you imagine the sacrifice that small boy made, giving up whatever food he had? And yet Jesus took that gift, broke it, and used it to feed thousands. I wonder if He can do the same with us, if we are willing to share our 'gifts' of honesty, transparency, suffering.

From a practical standpoint, when we talk about our true feelings & share our real thoughts with someone, that is an opportunity for us to be 'rebuked'. Sometimes we need that. It's a chance for us to grow; for our 'iron to be sharpened', as it were. I'm not sure how that can happen if we don't let our guard down once in awhile.

Phew. There you have it. I wasn't always this way. I have gotten 'burned' before. But I've also gotten burned plenty of times while baking. It doesn't stop me from continuing to do it :>)

Ebe said...

That's a lot to think about. I pray for the realness I crave in myself as well as in others. It's so scary, but incredibly worth it.
praying today,

Beth said...

I am getting in on this a little late, but here are my thoughts:

First, I think in order to let others get up close and know the real you you have to know who the real you is. I also think that you have to be comfortable in your own skin. For one reason or another, a lot of Mom's don't know who they are anymore and many people are not comfortable in their own skin.

Me, I have gotten to a point in my life where I comfortable in my own skin. I don't go around sharing the nitty gritty with everyone, but if someone wants to know reasons behind why I am who I am, I will share. I don't really think one needs to let everyone in. In my opinion, it's about the quality of the relationships that you have and the few close ones that I do have, I am quite happy with and I would give my right arm to them if they asked. My husband knows, really knows, the real me...what makes me tick and all the nitty gritty. The other women in my life (I could probably count on one hand), accept the good, bad, and ugly and love me anyway.