Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Amidst the Flames

"When most people say 'for better or for worse', they really only mean 'for better'."
- from the movie Fireproof

I've given a lot of thought over the years, but especially more so this last year, about what 'for better or for worse' really means. I think back to my premarital counseling and can distinctly remember one of the pastors trying to convey to us, the young couple in love, what the future might hold.

Will you still love him when he's balding and 30 pounds heavier?

Will you still love her when she's pregnant and cranky?

Will you still love him when he's in a bad mood?

Will you still love her when she's old and wrinkled?

If those are the most extreme difficulties that we have ever had to deal with, we would have an easy life. Probably not nearly as rich and rewarding, but definitely easy. I think the questions a pastor should ask an engaged couple should be more probing and probably a lot scarier:

Will you still love him when he is depressed and wants to give up on his faith?

Will you still love her when she has a miscarriage? Again.

Will you still love him when he gets addicted to viewing inappropriate websites?

Will you still love her when she has spent more money than you make in a year?

Will you still love him when he has had no job for months on end? When you don't know where the money will come from to care for your family?

Will you still love her when she has gotten herself emotionally involved with someone else?

Will you still love him when your marriage just seems hopeless to save it?

Will you still love her when you hear the words 'no heartbeat' and find yourselves standing in front of a tiny casket?

Will you still love each other when it seems like the very fabric of your marriage is coming apart at the seams?

Early on in our marriage, a pastor mentioned to us that when we had gotten married that he didn't think we stood "a snowball's chance in hell" of staying married for the long run. Amazing, huh?! I guess what this pastor didn't realize is that the trials that we would go through would make us stronger, that we would come out the other side battered and bruised, but still come out together.  And that just like the Bible story, there would be an extra person amidst those flames saving us from destruction.

"Fireproof doesn't mean a fire will never come, but that when it comes 
you'll be able to withstand it."
- from the movie Fireproof 


stephanie said...

Again you toss me a boatload to digest. My marriage "should have" ended long ago. But it's still ticking. The only reason is because of our faith in our God.

christina said...

dude. once again, we are united in our posts. This almost exact same message was flooding my soul today. thank you for the confirmation. :)

Peaceful Chaoz said...

*sniff* You pegged it right on. Lol, I remember thinking every time someone said how hard marriage would be, that they just weren't as in love as we are :0) Wow isn't it awesome that He is a God of Miracles!! I am so very grateful that He loves us that much! :0)

Anonymous said...

more and more you become more beautiful to me my paloma blanca. love you still. and am humbled that you continue to love me through all my failures.

Jeana said...

I totally agree. When we first found out about Kaelyn we were warned that parents of children with special needs have like an 80% divorce rate or something crazy like that. We know with the help of God, whatever we may face in life will make our marriage stronger, and oh how it has and will. I love the quote about the fire coming, but we can with stand it. The fire burns and it hurts, but we always come out of the flames stronger than before. Its the refiners fire. Thanks for being you, and amazing you are.