Monday, September 14, 2009

Quatro Meses

It has been four long months.
Four months...
...since Olivia left us....
...of snuggling and sleeping with a baby blanket, instead of with a baby...
...of painful memories...
...of trying to put back together the pieces of all that has been broken...
...since the miracle we hoped for was lost...
...of longing for Heaven like never before...
...of spoiling our other three children on earth...
...of trying to make sense of that which just can't be understood...
...of sleepless nights and tear-stained pillows...
...of wondering what Olivia's legacy will be...
...of running to God and running away from Him...
...of imagining how things could've turned out differently...
...of dreaming of how Olivia looks in her Heavenly body...
...of missing the joy of another daughter.
Oh, Olivia. Mommy still cries great big tears for you. How I selfishly wish you were here.  It seems like forever since I felt your little fluttery kicks. My heart still aches to have you near and hold you in my arms. Will our family ever feel complete while we are seperated by eternity? Will my heart ever feel whole again? I miss you, sweet baby girl. I miss you something awful.

5 comments:

Stephanie said...

I've thought of you often over the last couple of days. Maybe this is why. God was bringing you to my heart and mind for me to pray for you.

Praying a little harder tonight.

chadandnikki said...

Praying for you. Loving you and your daughter more than distance can express.

Jeana said...

Thinking of you here, and praying for your heart.

stephanie said...

Hi there, been back and forth a couple of times. Cried , and tried to come up with something to write to comfort you, something wise...anything. But, you know what, there's not a whole lot I could say to take any of your pain away. All I can give are my prayers and my support and friendship from afar. To tell you I think of you often, and when I do , I hope you are having a good day. That I am in awe of your strength and faith.
God Bless, Becki

Rachel said...

I stumbled upon your page looking for walmart information. No idea how I got here. Anyway I started to read your post and saw your suffering. My son wouldve been 13this year. He passed away from Trisomy 18 at 36 weeks. As I read thru you posts I see alot of the same things that I went thru, same feelings, same letters to my self and my baby. I just wanted u to know that in no way are you alone in this and that even if it doesn't feel like it now time does ease the pain. I have my breakdowns now and again, my "shouldas" but in all I feel blessed that God asked me to carry him. As my tears dried and I could see straight I saw all the good, the outpouring of support and love that I have never felt since. Its incredible. Then I started to realize how much it touched others, that he touched others. It felt like he had a purpose that I couldn't see before.

You can always email me @ yankeesfan0130@hotmail.com if you need someone to talk to that understands.