I'm sure it must've been a lovely sentiment at the time. In all honesty, it could've been I who bought the item to stash away until the appropriate season. Whoever it was is irrelevant, I suppose. It's just another insight into how something so seemingly harmless as unpacking Christmas decorations can reduce a fully-grown woman to tears.
What should've been Baby's 1st Christmas, as the ornament in the photo suggests, will be the first Christmas without our baby. People say that the first holiday is the hardest. I sure hope that is true.
It's difficult for other people, especially some that love us best, to understand why we are taking a different approach to this Christmas season. But it's because of things like unpacking a ornament or a family photo that doesn't quite feel complete or wondering if Olivia will even be remembered around the Christmas tree, that give us pause. And pause we should, if we are not to miss the true meaning of the holiday.
And as I sit here, blurry-eyed with tears, God gently reminded me that along with being heart-broken about a box, I can be heart-filled about a different box. The one that held a baby some two-thousand years ago. And so, I guess that is just what I'm gonna try to do.
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5 comments:
There certainly is a different "feel" to this Christmas. It's strange to only buy for one child, and only put presents under the tree for one child. And I also wonder every day if Johanna will be remembered. I remember Olivia, and think about her and you regularly.
Yes,a different kind of Christmas.
And yes, Olivia will always be remembered around the Christmas tree.
I promise she will be remembered around ours too. Thinking of you so often, and sending prayers and a hug!
Yesterday when I was reading your email about ideas for each of your kids, I thought of Olivia and just wondered what her 'taste' would be if she were here with us.
She is remembered in our house.
Praying for you.
Aw Bex. I am still so sorry for your loss. All I'm thinking right now as my eyes filled with tears reading your post is, "Emmanuel"--God with us. Even in the broken, depleted, heartwrenching realities of this world, God came to be with us. That is the true meaning of Christmas. Our only hope, on earth with us. Praying you can feel His presence this Christmas and always.
I've been thinking about you. I know this will be a hard Christmas season for you guys. Praying.
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