A Stirring Life

Do you know?

2011-12-09T06:00:00.006-06:00

Do you know?

Do you know, little fuzzy-haired boy, how loved you are by me who shares no DNA?

Do you know, boy with curious eyebrows, how curious I am at what your future holds, wondering if this time will be the last time I see you, begging God to find you and fill you?

Do you know, small child, of the prayers that I have said on your behalf, off-and-on for the last 10 months since we first met, of protection and hope, of miracles for your earthly Mama so that your life might not be so stinkin' hard?

Do you know, energetic little sprite, how tiring it can be to take care of you and thankless too, the pouring in, the kisses, the wrestles, the heart-love, knowing that there will likely be no earthly return on my investment?

Do you know, happy toddler, of all the memories we have made together, of crawling, and walks in the stroller, of screams I could not comfort, of laughing til you grew hoarse, of first steps and haircuts, of photos snapping instants in time, watching you grow?

Do you know, momentary son, how you turn our lives upside-down while you are here, but leave us with hearts gaping when you leave?

Do you know, innocent one, of the loss in this Mama's heart, so big and pervasive that it is a true miracle that I can even do this thing, this loving and letting go?

No, you could not possibly know. And I realize that you might never. But your knowing is not necessary. Your thanks is not needed. I know that He knows, even if you won't. And He is the reason, His beckoning to help little ones and Mamas who don't know about the light yoke.

And I am so glad that you came in time to remind me of this, that all that I do should be for His glory and fame. You give my heart perspective during this season, even if you will never know it.

A Tale of Two Wreaths

2011-12-07T06:00:00.003-06:00

This was last year's DIY wreath.

It so fluffy and white and ruffle-y and best of all....cheap! Plus, you can display it all winter long since it's not too Christmas-y.

Tutorial found here.

You only need coffee filters, a foam wreath form, and hot glue. Total cost is less than $10 (with the wreath form being the most expensive part). In 2010, I hung it in front of a big mirror, but this year it got relocated to the front door to make room for....

...this year's DIY wreath.

Go ahead and break into refrains of "Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful?" (I know I am. And I bet you are singing it now too, at least in your head.)

I am so happy with the way this wreath turned out! It's shiny and glittery and a nice diversion from the red & green-ness of the traditional holiday colors.

Tutorial found here.

You'll need shatterproof ornaments and a coat hanger. Can you believe the hanger was the hardest for me to procure? Mine are all the hard plastic kind! I used one full bucket of 26 medium ornaments from Wal-Mart ($4.97), about 10-12 more medium ones from a second bucket ($4.97), and one full tree-shaped package of small Wal-Mart ornaments ($4.97). If you wait to find them on clearance after the holidays, your project will be even cheaper! (I can vouch for the WM kind that the ornaments are fairly sturdily attached to the ornament tops. If you buy another brand, you *might* have to hot glue all the tops to the ornaments so they don't easily come apart. But this is too much work for me so thankfully I didn't have to.)

Any questions? Other favorite DIY wreath ideas?

2011-11-15T10:10:00.000-06:00

It has been exactly two months since my last blog post. It feels like time to break the blog silence. I have felt this way before. From hurting to healing to confusion to creativity....where to start? What to say?

September....
...brought numbness. Disbelief. Thick seemingly impenetrable walls went up around my heart. I couldn't feel. I couldn't pray. I couldn't. Life resumed it's regularly scheduled program and I went through the motions. Loved ones wed, my niece had a birthday, laughter, joy. My body was present, but my heart...well, that's another story.

October...
...brought celebrating. Our anniversary. I should have been...jubilant. Expectant. My husband planned this truly extravagant weekend of things he knew I would love, as a total surprise, complete with pre-arranged childcare! Dinner at the Signature Room. A Mario Tricocci massage. Splendiferous romantic details!! It was a big courageous attempt at moving towards oneness and away from the isolation that has plagued our marriage for so long. Have you been there? Isolated? Maybe you have been there for so long you don't even remember how it was...once upon a time. Things are good, but not excellent. You have settled and compromised and so has he. And then you stay there. But God had already gotten ahold of my husband's heart and had brought him to his knees by the time our anniversary came around. Although I still didn't really have any strong emotions because of all that had transpired the month before, I distinctly noticed something else happening. Those concrete heart-walls began to fracture.

As if one weekend away from the daily grind wasn't fabulous enough, I was treated (and surprised!) again the following weekend. The Husband whisked us off to Milwaukee for a Weekend to Remember conference. I was feeling...cautious & curious about what this weekend would hold for me as a wife and for us as a couple. It was *truly* wonderful. (Fracture...fracture...crumble) It was more like a "working vacation" than anything. The sessions were a good mix of humor and pointedness and heart-felt sharing and conviction. I came home feeling...changed.

November....
brought more changing. Of slowly moving towards. God. People. The Husband. Of seasons getting colder. Of appreciating His brilliant spectrum of yellows, orange, reds and browns. Of caring for a baby who needed a place to stay for a week. Of loving reading again! Books, books, and more books! One in particular that has been particularly excellent is When Life is Hard by James Macdonald. Of walls continuing to come down. Of new habits of love and understanding. Of pruning the good in favor of the excellent. Of renewed creativity.

Quite the roller coaster, huh?

Big Enough

2011-09-15T13:14:00.001-05:00

In nearly 48 hours from now, my little brother will be getting married. His bride-to-be is a wonderful young lady, who happens to share my exact first and middle name! I have had the privilege to get to know her over the last several months and will proudly stand beside her {in my guava colored bridesmaids' dress} as she marries the love of her life, my little brother.

I pray that He restores my joy and infuses my heart with happiness before Saturday.

Because life just doesn't stop. My brother will get married. My bestie from high school will wed her man only a few weeks from now. Another BFF is pregnant and is due only 10 days before I was. We shared only one day of joy and giggles over being pregnant together, which I am truly thankful for. She hesitates to share happy news, knowing that my heart is still broken.

But I think I am big enough.

Big enough to know that the world keeps on turning even when we're hurting.

Big enough to love & put other people first and be happy for them, even if I am only smiling on the outside. Because grief and joy do mingle.

Big enough to remember that I will not always feel the way I do today. Time will pass. My heart will heal. I will hope and laugh again. Joy will be restored.

Big enough to believe that He is BIG ENOUGH for all my sorrow, even if my heart forgets it sometimes. He is BIG ENOUGH to handle it all.

And that's the most important big enough of all.

A Tiny Blessing

2011-09-13T06:00:00.001-05:00

I hesitate.

I hesitate to put fingers to keys, feelings to words, to give heartache a voice. Should pain be kept private? I remember reading once that a loaf of bread will feed only one, but broken, it will feed many. I do believe that allowing our brokenness to be shared can bring healing to other broken hearts, knits us together who have gone through similar trials, gives us courage to continue on the hard road.

I had a tiny blessing. We were expecting our fifth child! I was cautiously excited as this was our first pregnancy since our precious Olivia died. Time passed. Days. Weeks. We told our families. We told our children.

And then lightening struck. Miscarriage.

I had felt immune, I think, as if I had already endured enough horror and trauma with Olivia's diagnosis and death. Like I had used up all my allotted Bad Stuff and had only Good to look forward to. But the Lord gives and the Lord takes away.

Sometimes much quicker than we prefer.

I am awestruck at the faith of my daughter and my future sister-in-law. Praying for miracles! Maybe all hope had not been lost! Not just faith to move a mountain, faith to move an entire mountain range. I am blessed by their belief and pray for Him to increase my faith, as it seems so little in comparison. I realized that when I heard the doctor's words on Sunday, verifying that there is no longer life within, that even I too had been holding onto hope. Maybe my faith is a little bigger than I thought.

There is comfort in knowing that Olivia has been joined by a sibling. Big sister and little living together amidst His glory. A strange sort of comfort which leaves in its wake...an ache. That I am mother of five, but parent to three. That I have children (plural)....children whom I will not know on earth. That I have a large family, although it might not appear so to the naked eye.

And I grope to find Him. I try to convince myself of His continual goodness, even if my earthly eyes struggle to see it. I desperately search for His kind hand at every turn. I can not even begin to understand the "why" and the "what for". Maybe you are there too, friend. Crawling through the valley. Trying to make sense of the seemingly senseless. Hesitating to give feelings their voice.

Know that I am there with you. Hurting. Healing. Hoping?

Praying that we can find Him together,

Pieces of Me: Summer Sips

2011-09-02T06:00:00.001-05:00

Even though it's still in the 80's around these parts, I feel like summer is slowing slipping away. We have been back to school for 2 weeks now and the evenings are growing cooler. The thing I will miss most about summer? Cold Drinks! I have an assortment of drinks that remind me of summer or are a great cool down on a hot day. Here they are, in no particular order:

#1: Iced Tea

I'm a huge iced tea fan and I've converted my mom to be one as well. She actually gets a little sour if she comes over and the iced tea pitcher is empty. I have brewed homemade iced tea so many times, I could do it in my sleep. My simple recipe is this:

2 family size iced tea brew bags (W-M brand)

1 quart water

1 quart ice/cold water

1 c. sweetener

Put the 1 quart water over the 2 tea bags in a glass measuring cup and microwave for 5 minutes. Let sit for 5 minutes more to steep (or 2 hours, if you're anything like me and forget it's in there!). Add the sweetener. I like to use 1/2 Splenda and 1/2 sugar. Not only does it cut down on the sweetness a bit, but the calories too. Stir well to dissolve. Add 1 quart of ice cubes & cold water. Stir to blend. Drink over ice!

DELICIOUS VARIATIONS: Add one regular sized flavored tea bag for super yummy flavored iced tea. I have tried (and liked) Celestial Seasonings Country Peach, peppermint (put the bag in AFTER you've microwaved it for only a few minutes), and my new FAVORITE Lipton's Island Mango & Peach White Tea. It reminds me of the iced tea served at Wolfgang Puck Express in Downtown Disney.

#2: Iced Chai

I don't make it nearly often enough, but I love a really spicy chai like the one I posted about here. You would just serve it cold. With whipped cream on top. And freshly grated nutmeg. 'Cuz that's how I roll.

#3: McDonald's Caramel Frappe

Cheaper than Starbucks, but just as tasty! Yes, there's probably like 2000 calories in there, but that's why I only get them once in a blue moon.

#4: McDonald's Pineapple Mango Smoothie

Cheaper than Jamba Juice and very refreshing!

#5: Cranberry/Pomegranate Juice & Fizzy Concoction

I must have the love-to-concoct-my-own-drink gene, well......maybe just a little. (Sidebar: My little brother was the sort that would take a little bit of soda from every single dispenser and drink that big cup of weirdness. Anybody else do that?) Anyways, back to my tasty drink. I like Aldi's Cranberry/Pomegranate Juice and even better if I can find the Fit 'n Active version. Old Orchard (national brand) also makes one called "Healthy Blend" that I believe only has 5 calories per serving. I like to mix that juice with about 1/2 of a no-calorie fizzy drink, like Aldi's key lime club soda or the Sierra Mist 0 calorie that I scored on clearance for 50cents for a 2 liter. Serve all that with lots of ice! It gives me the taste of soda without all the sugar and the tartness feels very refreshing.

#6: Panera's Lemonade

I have made my own lemonade in the past, but it just seems like such a pain. I do love homemade and there is nothing like it taste-wise. Panera's seems freshly squeezed. Too bad there's no free refills!

Got a favorite summer sip?

Hospitality: Part 3

2011-08-31T06:00:00.001-05:00

I dug up this old post that never got completed, but I tweaked it and think it still reflects my thoughts on the subject. So without ado...

This weekend I had the privilege of serving a family in need by delivering some meals....and a refrigerator too. They have been living without a fridge at all for the last several months. Can you imagine? Anyhow, here are some ideas for taking your hospitality skills "on the road"..

Idea #1: Split up the work! I put my head together with another fabulous gal and we worked up a menu together, then divvied up the work. I made bread, she made soup. I made Easy Baked Ziti,. Oh, and some cupcakes too! This also works if you're joining someone for a spontaneous meal. My friend S and I have done this before....we both rummaged through our cabinets/fridge over the phone and talked about what we could contribute to a joint impromptu family meal. Don't shy away from the "last minute" get-together!

Idea #2: Add something unexpected or over-the-top! Not everyone has the time or inclination to cook or bake, but there are some great pre-made items that would add an extra dose of love. Make the family's favorite meal or dessert. Add some home-made milkshakes to the mix. Serve up some make-your-own pizzas or a do-it-yourself ice cream bar!

Idea #3: If you are bringing a meal for a family in need (circumstance, new baby, grieving, etc), consider bringing something that can be or already is frozen. Make sure you check with the family first, but many people deliver large meals with lots of left-overs and a meal that can be made later is usually greatly appreciated. I like to use disposable pans or even just a gallon sized ziploc bag. A batch of cookie dough that has been scooped into balls & frozen makes a tasty, thoughtful addition to a menu. Don't forget to include cooking/reheating instructions!

Idea #4: Use a cooler! This is fairly obvious to keep cool things cool, but it'll also keep hot things hot! Foil wrapped baked potatoes, loaves fresh from the bread machine, or that tasty casserole just out of the oven can all be kept HOT while in transit to your destination. This is especially helpful if you have other errands to run or if it will be a bit of time before you are able to deliver your meal.

You can see the first two parts of this series here and here!

What I Did on my Summer Vacation - Part 1

2011-08-29T06:00:00.001-05:00

a.k.a. The Nature Edition

We loaded up our "new-to-us" hand-me-down Ford Explorer for her maiden camping voyage! The Explorer had been camping before, but she has spent most of her life living in Chicago. Not only did she move to the country, but now she would be doing what she was made for: off-roading!

We were super excited because several other families from our church's life group would be joining us. There was a little hiccup with our reserved campsite, but we got it straightened out and ended up with a perfectly gorgeous & secluded site with full view of the lake. (We went to Blackhawk Lake; our go-to spot for fabulous family camping!)

We ate lots of tasty food & both the little kids and BIG kids made great memories together. My son discovered a love for hiking; I think he wore out my poor dear husband! And the girls renewed their love for tree climbing as there were some great climbers just a stone's throw from our tent.

We haven't spent too much time outside this summer because of the brutal heat that we had experienced. Also, heat exacerbates Sebastian's eczema, so we try to keep him as cool (a.k.a. indoors) as possible. With much of my days spent inside, it makes me especially appreciate amazing summer sunsets. God has a paintbrush that man will never be able to replicate!

Stayed tuned for more editions of WIDOMSV, including the Party Edition and the Wedding Edition!

Carried

2011-07-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

The other night, I looked on as my husband tenderly hoisted my sleeping son out of our bed to carry him back to his own room. I watched as my little boy tensed up at first, but then completely relaxed as he realized that his daddy was carrying him. It reminded me of my own childhood, when I would fall asleep in the car coming home from somewhere and my mom or my dad would carry me inside and tuck me into bed. Even when I was probably awake enough to walk, I loved the feeling of being carried. I felt safe because I trusted the one carrying me.

And just watching my three year old softly curled up in my strong Husband's arms made me think about being carried. Moments of struggle throughout my life slowly drifted through my memory. Heartache. Brokenness. Grief. Even now, looking back, I seriously wonder how I ever survived some of these things without dying of a broken heart. And I believe the answer is...carried.

The thing about being carried though, is that we must allow it. We must depend on the person carrying us. It will do no good to thrash and struggle, to demand that we get through it on our own strength, to resist it because we have something to prove. We can feel safe in the arms of the One who knows the valleys, who intimately knows our hearts, who loves us enough to carry us if only we will let Him. The world is so broken and I am so thankful for the times when I didn't have to walk through it.

I was carried.

Lessons from a Horse

2011-05-26T15:00:00.000-05:00

The movie Seabiscuit isn't just about a racehorse. It's about being broken and finding healing. It's about the underdog. It's about being down-and-out and someone giving you a chance. It's about loss. It's about optimism when facing an impossible situation. It's about "choosing life". Maybe it's because May has swiftly come and is nearly gone, bringing with it the second anniversary of Olivia's death, that I'm feeling particularly...thoughtful.

When Seabiscuit's owners first find him, they, along with the horse trainer, take him for a run around the track to see how Seabiscuit performs.

"He seems fast."
"In every direction."
"He's so beat up it's hard to tell what he's like."

And sometimes people can be the same way. The are so broken, bruised, and beaten down that it's hard to tell. Hard to tell who they really are underneath the layers of pain. Hard to tell what strength and beauty lies beneath. Hard to tell how wonderful they might be to get to know or to embrace in a relationship because all we see is the hardened, prickly exterior.

"He just needs to learn how to be a horse again."

I think sometimes as people, we need to relearn how to live again, especially after suffering or trials. We need to rediscover joy, remember our blessings, risk love again. Time has been a healer for me, but sometimes we don't allow ourselves the room to mend. We jump right back into life's chaos without stopping long enough to reflect, to bring our wounds to God and soak in His healing salve.

"You know, you don't throw a whole life away just 'cause he's banged up a little."

I am fond of quoting this movie line, time and again, because I don't believe that any person or any circumstance is beyond redemption, even if all seems lost and beyond repair. If there's life, there's hope. It might seem naive to some and foolish to others, but even after all that I have gone through, I still believe in miracles. I believe that He can change anyone and anything. I am willing to look beyond the exterior and see to what could be.

"You know, everybody thinks we found this broken-down horse and fixed him, but we didn't. He fixed us. Every one of us. And I guess in a way we kinda fixed each other too."

Lots of Bits & Pieces

2011-04-25T17:22:00.000-05:00

I suffered through the stomach flu last week. It was several days of discomfort and one day of total misery and yuckiness. I recovered in time to make some fabulous food for Easter weekend.
**
We went to an Easter egg hunt and won an ipod shuffle in a raffle! I felt like I was on The Price is Right, complete with waving arms, whooping, and running towards the front.
**
The Husband is jobless again. It is disappointing in many ways, but not unfamiliar territory. I am relying, not only on God, but also on all the hard earned lessons learned in difficult seasons past. I am leaning hard into focusing on the positives (family time galore!) and enjoying the reconnection with my lover. I know God will not let me go hungry and does care about even my smallest needs.
**
This is our last week with our current Safe Families baby. I think I will actually be sad to see him go! We have decided to expand our acceptable age range to 0-8 and are looking forward to who God brings us next.
**
April 20th marked the two-year anniversary of our devastating ultrasound with Olivia. There was only lingering sadness and a few brief times of painful memories. One comment that still stands out in my mind is when speaking with one of OBs by phone, she said, "Don't do anything heroic." (They wanted to admit me to the hospital because of high blood pressure for the duration of the pregnancy.) Little did she know that I would do the most heroic thing I could think of: continue to love a daughter that was destined to live a brief life. It's an irony that I still shake my head at.
**
We are building bunkbeds! Remember the farmhouse bed we built for ourselves last fall? We are doing farmhouse style bunkbeds (with an arch) for our girls and I couldn't be more excited! We have had the materials for some time now and now that the Husband has lots of free time, we are getting them made. I can't wait to show you the final product!
**
The Husband and I are becoming increasingly interested in pursuing training in Biblical counseling. We have taken an introductory course regarding this and have purchased a book which we are studying independently. We really feel God moving us forward together in this area of ministry and are both looking forward to serving Him together as offer help and healing to hurting people.

I think that catches you up on most of the big happenings in our corner of the world!

A Glimpse of a Visit

2011-04-13T16:59:00.000-05:00

A word from the baby...

"Strange faces. Strange sights. Strange smells. Everyone is smiling, but no one looks familiar. Where is my mommy? Where is my brother? Get me out of my carseat! NOW! Which reminds me, I'm hungry. waah, Waah, WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Why can't these people understand me? No, I don't want my pacifier. No, I don't want any rattley toys. No, I don't need my diaper changed. I need my bottle! !Oh, yes, it looks like they are getting out the formula. Wait, no, I don't like it warmed up. Why aren't you doing it like Mommy does it??! Oh dear, this could be a long few days...."

A word from me...

"Cute baby. Seem totally harmless. This might actually be fun! I know how to take care of babies. I know how to fix formula, mix rice cereal, bounce, sway, and shush. I know how to buckle carseats, change diapers, and take leisurely walks in strollers. I just don't know how to care for this baby. I don't know his cries, I don't know what he does when he gets tired or bored. There is comfort that only Mommy can give, but I will do my best. Wow. This is more work than I remember. Thankfully I have several extra hands to help. WHAT??! You're only 7 months old and you don't fix your own breakfast? Or watch movies? Or entertain yourself with playdough or run off by yourself into the backyard? So this is what I've been missing since my youngest left babyhood behind. But, Oh, the chubby cheeks! The little fingers! The toothless grins and giggles! The even breathing of a sleeping little one, snuggled close, grasping my hair for comfort as he drifts off peacefully. Yes, this. This is what I've been missing."

Thawed.

2011-03-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

I vividly recall last winter. Driving down country roads cocooned in grey clouds. Overcast skies matching a slightly frigid heart. I clung to winter knowing that Spring represents life, cheer, sunshine and the last thing I was feeling was sunny. And now, it's happening again. Change. The thermometer slowly creeping up, the world around me thaws. I thaw. Slush and mud will soon turn to green teeming with life that has been hidden within and beneath. Blue skies reappear, although, they've been there all along. It's just that now the clouds are parting.

And this year I've found that I'm clinging less. I did relish the last grey day. My bits of melancholy will always find a home in the winter. And although with Spring comes haunting memories, I am looking forward. Ahead. To another season, more growth, blue skies, and blinding sunshine. To a full heart, joy unexplainable, blessings aplenty.

I'll probably even smile and put on my sunglasses.

The Good Word

2011-03-07T15:53:00.000-06:00

The good word is that we were approved for our Safe Families homestudy and are now officially a Safe Family! We could get a phone call any day about a child needing a temporary place to stay. My heart stutters into an irregular pattern every time the phone rings. CAH-RAZY, I tell ya. Because of our geographic location (rural outskirts of the two major metropolitan areas where the SF offices are located), it seems that we might not get as many placements as if we lived in "the city", but we will be open to whatever He has in store for us.

There are lots of online training videos to work through, which I am doing a little at a time. I am still amazed at the working model of being the "extended family" to these biological moms. Can you imagine being a single mom of a few little ones, living at or below poverty level, in a city where you have no family, no support, no one to come along side you? Imagine you get seriously ill, lose your job, or get in a car accident with no aunt, cousin, or stable close friend to call in your time of need? Alone. Lonely. Scared. Depressed. Hopeless. Homeless.

How often do I take for granted that help is just a phone call away?! A large cushion of family and friends just standing by. I am *seriously* so blessed and I realize it more and more every day.

Exciting News...

2011-03-02T13:00:00.000-06:00

...no, I'm not pregnant. But to me, the news is just as good.

Tonight will be a big step in an exciting direction for our little family. We are having our homestudy to become a host family for Safe Families! Even before we both met nearly a decade-and-a-half ago, the Husband and I have felt a pull on our heartstrings for hurting children and have felt drawn toward foster care. God has prepared our marriage to take on this added task and a part of me even feels that this might be some of the "goodness" coming out of our suffering in losing Olivia. Now that our youngest (living child) is 3 1/2 and our hearts have healed immensely, we felt it was time to move forward under His direction.

"State welfare emergency hotlines throughout the nation reportedly receive over 5 million calls each year of suspected child abuse or neglect. Of those calls, about one million meet the criteria for state intervention. What happens to the remaining four million families that don't qualify for help? "

Safe Families is similar to foster care in that we will be providing care for a child(ren) on a temporary basis. However, SF is not governed by the state and the biological parent retains their parental rights. They are placing their child in care of the safe family voluntarily. This could be because they are finding themselves temporarily homeless, in drug rehab, having another baby with no other family nearby to help, hospitalized for surgery, etc.

I have been working over-time to prepare our home. We put away the little guy's toddler bed and the Husband assembled his big boy bed & trundle. I have decluttered, reorganized and cleaned. But today.....today, I am slowing down. I am praying and preparing my heart. Good enough will have to be just that. Good enough. Because my inside is more important than my home's inside.

If you think of it this evening, would you pray for our homestudy? That everything would go smoothly. For the child that needs a safe place to rest. That soon enough, he would be laying his head on a pillow under our roof.

Be Blessed!

Superbowl Recipe Round-up

2011-02-04T15:40:00.001-06:00

The big game is Sunday, do you have a great appetizer recipe to add to the spread? I think hearty main dishes are great, but I am an appetizer-lover through and through. I just dig the idea of having a multitude of tasty things to choose from instead of one big dish. Here are a few "apps" (as they say in restaurant lingo) that are either tried-and-true or look too delish to pass up:

Jalapeno Popper Dip (tried & true!)

Antipasto Squares (tried & true, Man Food!)

Restaurant Style Buffalo Wings (over 1000+ reviews on allrecipes)

Sliders with Chipotle Mayonnaise

Mary Alice's Hoagie Dip

Nacho Options Galore!

Fried Mozzarella Cheese Sticks

And for some sweet inspiration....

image from cupcakeideasforyou.com

I'm doing hot wings (the recipe above), pigs in a blanket, garlic garlic dip (Tastefully Simple), and...maybe some football cupcakes too!

Rah, rah, sis boom bah,

Hospitality: Part 2

2011-02-02T06:00:00.001-06:00

Some questions I ask myself or consider while planning for guests:

What time of day is best suitable? Do they still have napping little 'uns? Bedtimes to consider?

Are there any food allergies? And just as importantly....food likes/dislikes! I enjoy making peoples' favorite foods. Also, what did I serve last time?

I like cooking seasonal/festive foods depending on the time of year. Considering the reason for the visit, I may ask my guests to bring a dish to contribute, but more often than not I like to have them "just bring themselves".

If I'm having a baby over, is there anything that needs baby-proofing? Breakables? A staircase to block off? Do I need to bring up the highchair? Is there a quiet place to nurse or change the baby?

How much prep time do I have when it comes to entertaining? This often determines my menu and day/time of visit. It doesn't have to be complicated. A frozen pizza and a caesar salad can make a lovely dinner. Boxed brownies finish the evening off on a sweet note. Of the other hand, I've also made much more complicated menus such as a Thanksgiving Feast for 25, a birthday grill-fest complete with creme brulee for dessert, a Memorial day party with virgin mango coladas, grilled thin-cut ribeye steak, delectable grilled chicken, key lime pie, and lemon blueberry bars (all home-made of course)! If you keep meals/sides/desserts on-hand in your freezer, it's even easier to accommodate those last minute guests!

What is the reason for the visit? If some serious adult-conversation needs to take place, I'll set up a small round table for the adults within earshot of the kiddos. If we're all celebrating family-style then I'll make sure to combine a few tables so everyone can be together. If we're just casually hanging out, then the kids and adults can eat in shifts at the same table.

And after all that, I pray. That I don't get so caught up in the details that I forget about the hearts of the people that matter.

Hospitality: Part 1

2011-01-31T09:28:00.000-06:00

It was only a few months ago that I was helping to plan a food related event. We were starting to get into the nitty gritty details of our menu when one of the ladies said,

"Well, let's just serve some food and be done with it. They will be happy just to have a meal."

And it was all I could do not to ~~rebuke~~ ~~gently correct~~ share my personal opinion. The philosophy that I've adopted when it comes to hospitality involves so much more than just food. It's about creating an atmosphere of love and care for those that enter my home. Yes, food usually plays a starring role, but it's not the only role and many supporting actors make for a well-rounded cast.

This idea behind entertaining had taken several years to evolve. As a new wife, I probably did really focus on the meal and forget the "other things" that would make for loving environment. I have observed how others have hosted me, I have read books and blogs, and I have really come to enjoy creating a special experience for those visiting in my home.

"Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Romans 12:13

A Choice

2011-01-17T10:13:00.000-06:00

Friday marked 20 months since we said goodbye to Olivia, our third daughter, our fourth and last child, thusfar. That might seem like a long time to most, but there are moments when it feels like it all happened not that long ago. Time is a good cure, but it does not heal all wounds. After much reflection on the subject, I've come to believe this one simple truth: healing is a choice.

Some physical wounds are shallow and nearly inconsequential, take a paper cut for example. It might hurt for a few seconds, but then you scarcely notice it even happened. Other wounds require more attention, but probably can be handled on your own, like a scraped knee. You wash it up, apply a little antiseptic and a bandage, and you're out riding your bike again in no time. Some injuries require professional help, like broken arms and deep lacerations needing stitches. And other situations, say a severe car accident, might need surgery, a hospital stay, and months of rehab.

I think emotional wounds are somewhat similar. Some are shallow and quickly forgotten. Others might require a little more attention. And still deeper wounds....need work and maybe even professional help.

I've often wondered why some people that I've encountered still seem truly bruised, battered, and broken, even years after their loss. Their personal pain appears raw and fresh. While others, although forever changed by their loss, seem to be working towards healing and reclaiming their joy. I remember feeling angry that after all I had endured, I had to actually work towards mending my heart and spirit. WHAT?! It just doesn't seem fair. But fair or not, I believe it is what is required.

One month after Olivia had died, I remember reading something that convicted me into making a distinct choice: I would focus on Christ instead of on my suffering. And it is a choice I have had to make again and again.

A choice to heal.

A choice to live.

A choice to find joy.

Praying for the choices you face,

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation

2011-01-07T09:53:00.000-06:00

surfing the net

completing a BIG custom etsy order

eating too much

resting too little

wrapping presents

cleaning up after aforementioned presents

assembling (and re-assembling) a large wooden train table

refinishing a buffet (!!)

painting the hallway

candy-making extravaganza with one of my Besties

traveling

Christmas day at a waterpark resort up north

breaking in our new Wii

driving around town to obtain accessories for said Wii

loving on my children

stealing precious moments with the Husband

cooking a gourmet meal with another Bestie for New Year's Eve

enjoying an appetizer feast on New Year's Day

a visit to the cemetery

reflecting

reminiscing

remembering

He Provides: Guest Post

2010-12-28T12:10:00.000-06:00

A sweet reader friend who wishes to remain anonymous sent me an email detailing how God provided for her family in a big way this Christmas season. I had tears in my eyes reading her story and would love to share it with you. I get so much encouragement hearing about how He has provided for others, in both big ways and small. It is a long read, but well worth it. So without further ado....

It goes back to this last spring when we were hit with a flood and lost our bedrooms downstairs. We never got it all back together and for the last eight months my kids have been sleeping on the floor, or scattered here and there; the baby has been in a pack 'n play.

This fall when I had my daughter's birthday party, my friend who had no idea how we were living saw the state of our lower level and basically couldn't hide her shock. She immediately had her husband install carpets for us (that's what he does for a living) and went on a mission to find us beds. We had lost them all in the flood and there was no money to replace them. We spent as much as we could to replace all the walls and floors that had to be taken out. Anyway, she called me a day or two later and said she had a mattress for the baby. We were so thankful!

She said she was still working on the mattresses for our bed. I thought it was sweet, but seriously didn't think anything would come of it. Then she called with this news! She said that we were going to get a brand new mattress and box spring. She said that some friends who wanted to stay anonymous heard what was going on and wanted to help. We were overcome with joy! After almost nine months we would be able to get our house back in order and my kids in beds. It was a miracle.

Then she called back and told me she had another surprise for us. She said to just accept it as a gift from God. She then went on to say she really had nothing to do with it and that it was something big! She said that as she was spreading the word about the mattresses she spoke to a friend and they spoke to someone and it was decided that we would be "adopted " by this group of people and their church as a family to help this Christmas! I almost passed out with this news. We had NO MONEY!!! Nothing to buy gifts with this year! I mean not a penny!!! We just barely had enough for our mortgage and when I say penniless , I mean we were penniless. She told me to have the kids write their Christmas lists and give them to her. Everything was taken care of. Even a ham for dinner! I know Christmas isn't about the gifts, but the thought of six kids with nothing under the tree on Christmas morning was breaking my heat.

Jesus in his endless mercy just took care of everything. And as usual, in the most unusual way!!! I swear He gets a kick out of surprising us in ways we never , ever imagine!

Then on Dec 23rd, I was sitting and praying. I was so thankful for everything that was done for us, but I had one problem. Every year we get the kids pajamas for Christmas, and they open them up on Christmas eve. Well, I forgot to add them to the kids' Christmas list and we didn't have extra money to spend on them. It was really bothering me because I knew they would be disappointed. I mean this was a small thing in comparison to what could have been. But it still made me a little sad. As I was praying, the phone rang and it was our Pastor. He started to leave a message and I was a little nervous as to why he was calling us at home.

Get this!!! He said he had just finished the eight o'clock mass and a couple approached him. They said they wanted to help out a family this Christmas, and asked if he knew anyone. He said he thought of a few, us included. but then he told me that they said something a little strange. They said that God was telling them to help a family specifically in danger of losing their home! Our pastor is well aware of our plight and he said he couldn't believe what they said! He immediately decided we were the family!!!

When he asked them how much they wanted to give, they said 600.00! But not just once, 600.00 every month for ONE YEAR!!!!!!!!

I have been brought to my knees this year by the love and mercy that Jesus has for all of us. And if it weren't for all the excruciating hard times we went through and are still going through, my faith would be no where near as strong as it is now. I will never get over this Christmas and the miracles that surrounded it.

Did you get goosebumps at the part where my reader friend says that the couple wants to give her family $600 every month for one year?? I know I did. Right along with the lump in my throat and the tears stinging the corners of my eyes. What a wonderful Christmas story!

Want to read about an awesome blog post that got people from all around the world giving to perfect strangers?? Here!

For more posts about how He provides, click here.

With a heart overflowing,

He Provides: Extravagant Love

2010-12-20T06:05:00.000-06:00

It began about a month ago with a simple card in the mail. Bright yellow. A little inspiration. No signature. No return address. And it contained a significantly large Wal-Mart gift card. My children were in the car when I opened the mail and witnessed first-hand my reaction to this kindness. Could this person have known about all the little needs we had? About all the odds & ends that we had been going without? About too small pajamas for our littlest one? About some homeschooling necesseties? About Christmas gifts that my heart so desired to give? No, he or she couldn't have known.

But He knew.

Just a few days ago, another envelope arrived. It's the same handwriting, I thought. Maybe they sent a Christmas card and now I will know who bestowed that act of kindness on me! I tore into that envelope to find a typed story about the Invisible Mother. That encouragement was enough to find tears pricking the corners of my eyes. But upon looking further....another envelope. Bright yellow. A little more inspiration. This time with money. Not a twenty-dollar bill. A large sum of money. My hands started trembling. The tears overflowed. Could they possibly know? About how many repairs our car has needed in the last month? About the empty supply of firewood? About the small gifts I'd love to bestow upon others? No, they couldn't possibly.

But He does.

If my Secret Encourager is reading this somewhere out there....thank you. Please know that your generosity has reminded me about God's extravagant love for me. He doesn't just give, but gives abundantly. He doesn't just love a little, He loves me extravagantly. And when I think about giving this holiday season, know that your gifts have inspired me to give more than I think I can, to love without reserve, and to give the gift of myself whenever possible.

You can read more posts about how He has provided here.

A Dresser Made Lovely

2010-12-17T06:00:00.000-06:00

Part of my Master Bedroom plan involved repainting the furniture. I think using what you already have is one of the most economical ways of changing your decor. I bought one quart of paint (Dutchboy Lined with Silver) to update my dressers and nightstand. After priming and painting and priming and painting some more, I decided to just relocate my highboy into the walk-in closet, which a) made for less painting and b) created more space in the room itself. Here is the side table:

before

:: side table - This is representative of what all the furniture looked like. It seems like a country French style, which has some nice molding, trim, and curves. I wasn't too crazy about the knobs/drawer pulls or color of the wood. ::

after

:: new pretty glass knob and light distressing around the edges ::

MORE BEFORE & SOME DURING:

:: You can see here the painted leafy flowery design that was on certain drawers in the set. The flower shaped back pieces of the handles left significant ruts in the fronts of the drawers. ::

:: Wood filler became my best friend. I used those little plastic reward cards for your keychain for filling and scraping. ::

I applied two coats of primer and one of paint, theorizing that primer is cheaper and since I only bought a quart of paint I needed to stretch it as far as I could. It wasn't until after I returned from the home improvement store did I realize that the holes on the drawers were NOT a standard size distance and my new drawer pulls would NOT fit in the holes and the internet does NOT carry a weirdly size drawer pull. I nearly had a melt-down. I just wanted these dressers to be done. So, I decided to use more of this:

And fill in one of the holes for each pull and then redrill new holes for the right fit. After filling, redrilling, and touching up the paint on nine holes....

:: New pretty drawer handles! See that scrollwork above the drawer? It was a pain, pain, pain to paint that. A royal pain. I had to use q-tips to kind of swoosh the paint around so that it covered the inside of them::

:: I lightly distressed the edges of the drawers and dresser itself to make it feel a little more casual and cottage-y. ::

:: Don't forget to make a big mess in the process. It's all part of letting those creative juices flow. ::

:: These purdy glass knobs where on the Husband's old hand-me-down dresser in our closet. I never really noticed the knobs because the dresser itself is so 70's. But in the midst of this project I realized that they would be perfect for our "new" dressers and so they were reassigned! ::

:: Big dresser in all its new loveliness ::

I am so happy with how these turned out. I can't believe the huge difference some paint & handles can make!

Sprinkled

2010-12-16T10:31:00.001-06:00

These festive beauties make me soooo happy. They were created for a ministry meal that serves children and their (possibly) underprivileged families. I really wanted them to look special as some of these kids might not ever get treats like this. I was going to tint some of the frosting, but I'm so glad I didn't. I love how the sprinkles stand out against the mounds of white.

Any cupcake questions?

**Answers: I used a pastry bag and a piping tip. The exact name of the tip escapes me though. It's not really a star tip, but it has an open top with edges that zig-zag. That's the only tip I ever use on the cuppies! You can get them at Hobby Lobby, JoAnns, etc.

Our Farmhouse Bed

2010-12-08T14:50:00.000-06:00

I mentioned in my last post that the Husband and I celebrated 12 years of marriage this fall and decided to forego a getaway in favor of decorating our Master Bedroom. The centerpiece of our new decor would be a new bed. Handmade. By us. I must say that the extent of my building skills was assembling laminate bookcases or a simple Ikea side table. I did put together a grill once, while I was 8 months pregnant. But I have never built furniture. Kinda scary, huh? But after months of stalking following reading Ana White's Knock-Off Wood, I was feeling a little more confident. It's kinda like following a recipe (which I know how to do), only with wood and huge power tools and it's more expensive.

My husband and I have never owned a new bed. Never. I realized that when our Pottery Barn knock-off Farmhouse Bed was close to completion. They have always been hand-me-down beds. Never something that was us. And these last few years, we didn't even have a bed frame at all. Just some king sized mattresses on the floor with a queen sized headboard pressed against the wall. So this bed, our bed, would be very special.

Let's get started, shall we?

::piles of wood::

:: my plans & tools ::

:: the very crucial drink (Chai) in one of my fave mugs ::

:: laying out the footboard ::

:: footboard complete! ::

:: repeat everything you just did, but make it taller. voila! headboard complete! ::

:: now, prime, paint & paint some more ::

:: more priming & painting for the headboard ::

:: now haul the whole project up the stairs and build a frame from for the mattress. we don't have a one piece boxspring, otherwise we wouldn't have had to do this step. we only would've had to add cleats for the boxspring to rest on. ::

**not pictured: realize at 10:30 pm on a weeknight (yes, I was impatient) that you didn't buy enough plywood to cover the bottom for the mattress to rest on. put the mattress in there anyways. thank God that it fits. go back & forth with dear Husband about who will get on the bed first to make sure it's safe. Wife sits on it first. It's holding up! Decide that you don't want the mattress in there by itself because it will sag through those slats. Put in the boxsprings too. Stare wide-eyed at your gigantic new bed. **

:: feel free to break into a chorus of "Isn't She Lovely?" ::

The total cost for the wood in this project was around $110. We also needed screws, liquid nails, wood filler, primer and paint. The headboard called for 1x8"s to make the planks, but somehow in between Menard's and home they metamorphisized into 1x6"s, so we just went with it. I sanded around the edges and applied a light stain to make the distressed areas a little warmer.

I found the plans, made my list (checked it twice), learned how to use a compound miter saw (with laser!), cut ALL the wood, laid out the pieces for assembly, sanded, primed, painted, and distressed. The Husband did most of the assembling.

The best part, besides the fact that we made a $1500 bed for about one-tenth of the price, was that we did it together.

A Letter

2010-12-06T19:35:00.000-06:00

Dear Sorely Neglected Blog,

It's been far too long, hasn't it? On a few rare occasions over the last couple months, I have thought about deleting you, but that would be like throwing out a journal just because it's been awhile since the last entry. I would never do that and I still have journals from 10 years ago to prove it. I guess I've just been busy. Busy making new friends, busy cherishing the old ones, busy living life, busy grieving, busy entertaining, busy homeschooling, busy crafting, busy with a little Etsy shop, busy building things, busy decorating. Just. Plain. Busy. And then after so much time passes, I wonder where to even begin. Just pick up where I left off? Jump head-first into the details of my latest project? Tell of all the ways God has shown up in the last few months?

We have celebrated each day that the Husband has had his full-time job and this Thursday will be his 4-month-iversary. We are thankful. Although, I'd be lying if I didn't admit to carrying around a lump of uncertainty in my heart. When bad news has stricken so many times, it leaves one feeling jumpy. I have been relishing the security that a regular paycheck provides and continually reaffirm in my heart that 'it all comes from Him anyways'.

We celebrated 12 years of marriage back in October and decided to forego an anniversary getaway in lieu of decorating our master bedroom. I say 'decorating', as opposed to REdecorating, on purpose. One would have to have had something already decorated in order to redecorate it. With these last several lean years, cans of paint and curtains have been the last thing on our purchasing list. Heck, they haven't even been on the list. But I think God is slowly fanning the flame within me to make my home more of a haven, to use my creative skills to feather my nest, and to really think & plan out how I can make this house a softer place to land. I can't wait to tell you all about the big bedroom projects that the Husband and I undertook together.

My only son turned 3 yesterday and it leaves me feeling bittersweet. I clung to his babyhood so fiercely because of Olivia's death. In God's mercy, Sebastian was still young enough for snuggles, rocking chair lullabies, walks in the stroller, and cries of "Mama". But there is no denying that his baby days are long gone, only to be replaced by a young boy who is smarter than his years, who thinks in paragraphs but talks in fragmented sentences, who is witty but shy, who is crazy about Spiderman/Iron Man/Superman, who loves the measuring tape, who hates baths and still suffers from eczema, and whose favorite song is "Jesus Loves Me", which he refers to as " 's I know".

This time of the year will always leave me missing Olivia more than the other seasons. I discovered I was pregnant just two days before Thanksgiving and the holidays make me think about family more often. We do lots of things as a family, have our family picture taken, hang up the stockings for our family, get together and celebrate with family, and yet, although some 19 months have nearly passed, I am keenly aware that our "whole" family will never be together on this earth. She will always be missing, until the day when everything will be made right. The girls desparately want Olivia to have a stocking to hang up with the others and I'm supposing I will have to get to making one. The rest were hand-made by me and I really should make one to match. I'm thinking only a tiny stocking will do, but my heart needs to brace itself just a bit more before I undertake it. I pray that before Christmas day I will be able to add that little reminder to our holiday decor.

I hope this letter finds you well, dear blog, and all my friendly readers too.

Until I write again,

Falling for Fall

2010-10-13T19:51:00.000-05:00

I *love* fall. It's my absolute favorite season of the year. Sometimes I'll go outside and just take a really deep breath and close my eyes, face toward the sky. A gentle breeze is just the icing on my autumn cake. It's a great time of year for photos too. These were taken on an impromptu nature walk today.

Hope you're finding time to relish His Creation, the heavenly weather, and simple blessings!

Happy fall~

the Easy button

2010-09-23T10:06:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the only way out is through.

How many times in life do we just wish we had an Easy button? Press it and POOF! You are on the other side of the trial, obstacle, or difficult season. I know I have. I remember early on after losing Olivia and being in constant emotional pain, my mom wanted to do something, anything, just to have me feel better. Something to just stop the torrent of grief and pain. She was even willing to pay my way on a vacation, bless her heart, if it meant that I would feel better. But in grief, just like in many difficulties, the only way out is through.

There have been times when I've come along willingly on this journey. There have been other times when I have proverbially kicked and screamed my way through each day. I don't think I will ever learn to embrace suffering or trials, but I do think I can embrace whatever God wants to teach me along the way. Had I pressed that Easy button, I would've missed it. I would've missed my heart becoming more compassionate. I would've missed all the opportunities to share my heart with other broken-hearted people. I would've missed depending on Him like ever before. I would've missed the confidence that comes with knowing that He can get me through.

Because sometimes the only way out is through. And I know that it is just as true for you as it is for me.

One Year Ago: Repost

2010-09-14T17:11:00.000-05:00

This post was originally published one year ago, September 14, 2009 and it seems just as appropriate today as it did 365 days ago. I have only changed the words to reflect how much time has passed

It has been sixteen long months.
Sixteen months...
...since Olivia left us....
...of snuggling and sleeping with a baby blanket, instead of with a baby...
...of painful memories...
...of trying to put back together the pieces of all that has been broken...
...since the miracle we hoped for was lost...
...of longing for Heaven like never before...
...of spoiling our other three children on earth...
...of trying to make sense of that which just can't be understood...
...of sleepless nights and tear-stained pillows...
...of wondering what Olivia's legacy will be...
...of running to God and running away from Him...
...of imagining how things could've turned out differently...
...of dreaming of how Olivia looks in her Heavenly body...
...of missing the joy of another daughter.

Oh, Olivia. Mommy still cries great big tears for you. How I selfishly wish you were here. It seems like forever since I felt your little fluttery kicks. My heart still aches to have you near and hold you in my arms. Will our family ever feel complete while we are separated by eternity? Will my heart ever feel whole again? I miss you, sweet baby girl. I miss you something awful.

Hee-haw!

2010-08-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

I'm in love with a camera. My old faithful Sony Cybershot died in DisneyWorld and so I've been camera borrowing ever since. Right now I'm in possession of my neighbor's Nikon D40. I'm tempted to keep it, but I'm sure she'd notice. *sigh* In the meantime, what's a girl to do besides hold some really fun photo shoots. My most recent subject wanted to show off her new cowgirl boots and handmade cowgirl skirt.

By the way, I also discovered the histogram adjustment layer on Photoshop Elements. That's just a geeky way of saying I can make the photos look really cool. I like that last shot so much, I might have to frame it for my wall. Not bad for an amateur, eh? Now if only I can get a great camera....

Only when

2010-08-19T16:56:00.000-05:00

“Only when we understand that God has ordained our suffering
can we begin to make sense of it.
Only then can we be certain that He has a purpose in it.
When tragedy comes, when adversity strikes,
we will not be shaken.
Yes, we will cry. Yes, we will grieve.
But we will move on confidently
knowing that God is on His throne,
that we are in His hand,
that our circumstances are His doing,
and that He is working them for our good.”

~Terry L. Johnson, When Grace Comes Home

ReCommissioned

2010-08-13T08:34:00.000-05:00

com·mis·sion vb.
1. The act of granting certain powers or the authority to carry out a particular task or duty.

I received my recommissioning. My authority and powers as head homemaker have returned. All because my sidekick has flown the coop. In other words...

...the husband got a job.

Not just any job, mind you. A job that seems so good that my head is still spinning. I am still holding my breath, waiting for the "catch" or the "attached strings", which have yet to materialize. He will be working as a Bilingual Employment Recruiter and I don't think that a different position could use his skills and gifts as well as this one.

I'm still shaking my head.

But in the last few years, my homemaking skills have grown a little rusty. The advantages of having a husband home a lot are many, but one of the downsides is being out-of-practice as a one-woman-show. I need igure out some semblance of a routine, make a meal plan including filling the freezer, and reignite the flame for making this home a soft place to land.

On the Husband's first day, we took him to a small local restaurant as a way of honoring and celebrating him. It's only about 10 minutes from home, but as we sat down my 5-year-old remarked that "it took forever to get here".

"Yeah. About two-and-a-half years," I said.

The kids were confused.

But the Husband and I exchanged a knowing look.

It has been a really long road.

I'm Odd.

2010-08-05T14:06:00.000-05:00

"A real Christian is an odd number anyway. He feels supreme love for One whom he has never seen, talks familiarly every day to Someone he cannot see, expects to go to heaven on the virtue of Another, empties himself in order to be full, admits he is wrong so he can be declared right, goes down in order to get up, is strongest when he is weakest, riches when he is poorest, and happiest when he feels worst. He dies so he can live, forsakes in order to have, gives away so he can keep, sees the invisible, hears the inaudible, and knows that which passeth knowledge."

-A. W. Tozer

A Brief Glimpse

2010-08-02T09:25:00.000-05:00

Written in honor of Olivia's due date, August 2, 2009, exactly one year ago today.

A small spritely girl toddles around the fields of heaven, picking wild flowers. Every bouquet clutched by her warm, chubby fists is beautiful perfection. She grasps splendid colors of pink, yellow, purple and white, only to toss them into the gentle breeze and begin picking again, giggling all the while.

From time to time, she stops to delight in clusters of tasty berries, juice dripping down her petite defined chin. The Son's radiance highlights the auburn streaks in her wispy and unruly jet black hair. She laughs and toddles and laughs some more, pausing to plop down for rest beneath an always azure sky.

The ever-present melody of the heavenly host beckon her to stand and twirl, and as she does, the whisper of another love song caresses her heart, its refrain barely audible across the chasm of eternity. But without even stopping to listen, she already knows the familiar chorus....We love you, Olivia, We love you, Olivia. We love you.

Nature Walk

2010-07-28T07:00:00.001-05:00

We love ourselves a good nature walk! I have a 5-year-old who is an expert robin's egg detector. She would find them everywhere! We love to just meander through the neighborhood admiring different trees, discussing their species, and stopping and smelling flowers of course! I think some of our best conversations happen when we are unplugged, away from TV, phone or computer. On a recent walk....

Don't forget to stop and smell the flowers!

From a 9-year old Heart

2010-07-27T10:55:00.001-05:00

This is a word for word copy of a typed note I received last night from my daughter (I added some punctuation for ease of reading). I think it's a pretty clear picture of my own 32-year-old heart as well.

WHAT'S UP NEWS

There's a song about how God is soooooo big and powerful and how god has a amazing plan. if that plan is so amazing, how come God's amazing plan was for Ricardo Rios age 34 (omitted city/state) to lose his job. he got late off. right now all we have to do is sit here in the house until he finds a job. now back in the old depression, people started losing their jobs and became hobos. hobos once had houses and jobs. Not only did the people who lost their job become hobos but so did their familys. Lots of peoples jobs.....lost. How do we know what God for us is best? was Gods amazing plan for Rick to lose his job. I did not want this to happen to us. i keep thinking to myself: are we gonna lose the house? What if Rick has to go a long way to find a job? What if someone steals our money? it will be all gone and where will we go to live? Ricks mother and law said we are welcome to live at her house. What if the exact same thing happens to her? then where will all of us go? we could become like those hobos. Lots of rich people still have their houses and their jobs. they think "I have lots of money. i do not need God." but if they think that they'll probely lose their jobs as well. I do not know if that will happen but they probely should lose their job and their house.

That's it for WHAT'S UP NEWS.

**EDITED TO ADD: I am honestly amazed at all the negative and discouraging comments that I received on this post. I am really just dumbfounded at the ugliness of the comments that I had to delete. I didn't make this all up and pretend that a child wrote it. If you knew my daughter, you'd know what a tender heart she has and how spiritually mature she is. It just made me realize how underemployment/unemployment affects everyone in the family, not just Mom and Dad. We have seen God's faithful hand through many times of trouble and have always been open with our children about what difficulties we are facing and how God is working through them. I was both humbled and heartbroken to read these 9-year-old thoughts, but I think it was an immense opportunity to to talk about God, His ways, His plans even amidst the trials. We are thankful for the greatest dependence on God that we have ever experienced and an extravagant love from Him that knows no bounds, despite whether or not we have great jobs. ***

Catching Up

2010-07-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

I used to do much more scrapbooking back when a) I had less children = more time and b) I had more money. After many years of paper scrapping, I got really involved with digital scrapbooking. Since we were apartment dwellers at the time, I loved that I had really no supplies to speak of (other than my computer) and therefore no mess to store, take out, and put away each time I wanted to work on capturing the memories. It has gotten more difficult to keep up with each child's scrapbook, but I really want them to have these special memories, handmade with love by Mom, even if I only manage to complete a few pages per year. I am currently working on catching up. I'm not going to fret about all the photos that are missing, but instead I'm going to scrap whatever pictures look inspirational at the moment.

Sorry that you can't really read the journaling, but I'm too lazy to rewrite it all here. Any other scrapbookers out there?

Summer Cook-Out Menu

2010-07-07T21:31:00.000-05:00

Tried and true recipes, from yours truly, from drinks to dessert....

First, start off with some Virgin Mango Coladas. (*giggle* I said virgin.) If you're like me, you usually just serve soda or water, but having a really great drink was a fabulous addition to a recent cook-out. I'm also partial to my homemade Sweet Tea. I think replacing 1/2 the sweetener with Splenda, not only cuts down on the calories, but lets the tea flavor shine through. As opposed to drinking sugar with a little bit of tea...like McD's. I'm just sayin.

Sweet Tea
Makes 1 gallon

4 family-sized black tea bags
8 c. water
2 c. sugar
lemon, optional

Quick brew method: Place 8 c. water in and tea bags in glass measuring cup. Microwave for 4 minutes. Let steep for 5 minutes or more. Add sugar. Stir to dissolve. Put in pitcher along with tea bags. Add 8 c. ice water. Stir. Taste. Add lemon juice from 1/4 lemon for flavor. If the tea needs to be stronger, leave the bags in for awhile, otherwise remove.

Peachy Version: Substitute 4 Peach flavored tea bags for one of the family-sized bags. I personally like Country Peach Passion by Celestial Seasonings.

Minty Version: For yummy refreshing flavor, replace one family-sized bag with a few peppermint tea bags.

**To cut down on the amount of actual sugar, you can replace up to 1/2 of the sugar with slightly less than the same amount of Splenda.**

Next, add an easy make ahead appetizer, such as Jalapeno Popper Dip. Serve it with some crusty bread and your guests will be fighting over it.

And now, we're onto the main course. You could always serve the all-American stand-by of burgers & dogs. For this last party, I wanted to mix it up a bit. So I chose thin-cut Ribeye steaks (budget friendly!) and Grilled Chicken (assorted bone-in pieces) with Apricot Balsamic Glaze.

I'm sure your fabulous guests will be more than happy to contribute a side. Ask them to bring a pasta salad, potato salad, or baked beans. They'll feel like they're adding to your soiree and you'll feel relieved to not have to provide everything. Win-win, people.

And our newest summer go-to dessert, which can be made several days in advance, is Frozen Key Lime pie. It's kind of a pain to have to juice the limes, but maybe you can talk your husband into doing it, like I do. Feel free to use a pre-made graham cracker crust (I do!) and even whip cream in a can, if you must. The pie already has so much frozen tangy goodness, I don't think anyone will mind a few shortcuts.

On the day of the party, you will have to blend the drinks, bake the dip & slice the bread, grill the chicken/meat, and slice/serve the dessert. Much of the work has been done in advance, but if you have a friend man the blender or help with slicing, you'll have more time to enjoy your family and friends (and delish food!) and the summer days that are all too fleeting.

Bon Appetit!

A Toast

2010-07-04T09:00:00.001-05:00

A toast? Yeah. To high treason. That's what these men were committing when they signed the Declaration. Had we lost the war, they would have been hanged, beheaded, drawn and quartered, and-Oh! Oh, my personal favorite-and had their entrails cut out and ''burned''!

So... Here's to the men who did what was considered wrong, in order to do what they knew was right...

...what they knew was right.

-movie quote from National Treasure

Wanting

2010-07-01T09:58:00.000-05:00

I wish I could be the Happy Blog. The one where I get to write about my adventures in home decorating or fabulous dinner parties or the excitement of having beautiful twins. Where I post pictures of extraordinary before/after projects or the latest jaunt to my house on the beach.

We are experiencing yet another job loss and it leaves me feeling more like the Previously-Creative-Turned-Mildly-Depressing Blog. It has been about one month (so far) of severe under-employment.

*sigh*

Hopefully this explains the blog silence. It just makes it difficult to keep putting on the cheery face and pretend like it's only a bump in the road. When does something cease to be just a season of my life (that will pass) and start becoming just my life? I wonder.

At first, I was admittedly running from God. Maybe not necessarily running from, but definitely not running towards. I've told myself how ridiculous I am to try to run from Him. "To whom else would we go, Lord?" Difficult times can make it hard to keep in conversation with Him, especially knowing that this hard time passed through His hands first.

I read Mark 4:38 yesterday and am crying out the same thing the disciples did:

Jesus Himself was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?"

My family boat has been swiftly taking on water and it seems that God must be asleep at the wheel. Oh, I know all the right answers. God has a perfect plan for me, to prosper me. God cares for me. God loves me extravagantly. Does anyone else have a hard time taking those things to heart when their circumstances don't seem to fit with His truths??

The following verses reminded me of His sovereignty over all. HE calms the storm. The winds and the seas obey HIM. And tucked into verse 40 are some really crucial questions:

And He said to them, "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

It leaves my heart wanting. Wanting to believe. Wanting to trust. Wanting to hope. Even when my head seems to be saying No.

{Pre}Summer Bounty

2010-06-03T14:16:00.000-05:00

I know some of you are probably bored to tears with my posts about Disney, but since it's my new happy place, I will eventually finish up my chronicles of the *Magic*. In the meantime though, how about some pretty {pre}summer goodies. With the 80°+ weather we've been having, it's hard to believe it's not even summer yet!

I can't take the credit for growing them. That goes to my wonderful grandmother. She said these are supposed to be the Ever-Bearing variety, but since she's let too many runners come from the mother plants, they are now more like Bear-Whenever-They-Want variety. And what would yummy pictures be with yummy recipes?!

Easy Strawberry Shortcake - make these into cupcakes for individual servings, then split, & fill!

Strawberry Pie

Strawberry Pretzel Salad

Strawberry Freezer Jam

Strawberry and Feta Salad

Although, sometimes I think simplest is best....dipped in dark bittersweet chocolate or mixed with sugar and drizzled with heavy cream.

And because I am proud of this little patch....

...I can't believe I grew my own lettuce! From seeds! (*Insert happy dance here*) I am harvesting mixed leafy greens, arugula and some romaine. And because I succession planted (planted more of the same but several weeks apart), I will be harvesting my own salads for weeks to come!

Remembering the Magic - Part IV

2010-06-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

Many mornings it was slow-going to get to the breakfast table because of all the lush scenery at our resort! I think this last year of homeschooling and cultivating more of an appreciation of nature is to blame, not that I'm complaining! Sienna became an expert gecko spotter and managing to detect about half a dozen of these little fellas throughout our stay. Here is some of what we would see on our way to breakfast....

:: Sienna especially loved these lily pads and had to stop and look at them each time we passed by. ::

:: And now on to the food - Breakfast - Chocolate Croissant (yum). Can you ever go wrong with a Chocolate Croissant? ::

:: Sienna wanted in on the breakfast picture taking. Here is her meal & her stylish thrift store Jasmine sun-glasses. ::

:: Sienna was always excited to see this Mary PoppLins (yes, she says it with an "L") Balloon, which hovers over the Marketplace area at Downtown Disney. She made sure I got a picture of it. ::

:: Our second (did you guess it?) visit to Wolfgang Puck Express. ::

:: Truth be told, we weren't coming for the food (which happens to be delish); we were coming for the Tropical Iced Tea (yum, yum)! ::

:: Wood-fired pepperoni pizza for the girls ::

:: Greek Salad (0) - it wasn't bad, but it was "light" on flavor. ::

:: Wood-fired BBQ Chicken pizza (yum) ::

:: Is this as funny to you as it is to me? ::

:: We went for many late-afternoon swims. Very refreshing after lots of hours of walking in the heat.::

:: My view of the pool ::

:: Two of the Seven Dwarfs: Grumpy & Happy ::

:: Looks like baby ~~poop~~ food, but it's really sun-dried tomato and black olive hummus with pita bread (both 0) ::

:: from top - Mealie Bread (yum), Fufu (yum), Rib Roast w/Spicy African Mustard (yum), Durbun marinated chicken (0), Greelie's Rice (0) ::

:: Seafood Gumbo (yum), Watercress salad (yum), Watermelon Rind Salad (this tasted of spicy ginger!) (yum, yum) - Not pictured: House Juice (yum) ::

:: And for the grand finale - I tried one of each dessert. This was the best mini-dessert selection I had seen in Disney. Instead of doing yum/0/yuck, I rated them each on a 10 point scale - From top: Zebra Dome (adults only) (8, very sweet), Caramel Cheesecake (9.5, would've been a 10 if it were served colder), Passion Fruit Panna Cotta (10), Peanut Butter Mousse Crunch (9.5, if that ganache on top were of a more similar consistency, it would've been a 10), Coffee Tartlet (9.5, needed just a little more coffee flavor), Chocolate Cinnamon Mousse (8) ::

Tomorrow will be our last full day in Disney. Sad, I know. Stay tuned for a very exciting breakfast!

Remembering the Magic- Part III

2010-05-26T07:00:00.000-05:00

Well, we've made it to Part III. (See Part I and Part II, in case you missed them.) Today we're venturing outside of the Kingdom (*gasp*, I know) because my oldest daughter is a big whale fan. Ya know what that means?

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's have breakfast first.

:: Breakfast - Cafe Rix - Vegetable Quiche (yum) and O.J. (yum) ::

:: Believe (Shamu show!) - It took a little practice to be able to shoot the picture so I'd capture the orcas in mid-air. ::

:: Next, we drove to lunch. Just kidding. We walked. ::

:: Thank God for air-conditioning. It was so hot and humid that day. We were melting. ::

:: Smoky Ribs (yum), french fries (0), dinner roll (yum), Diet Pepsi (YIPPEE!) in a Souvenir Cup. Plastic theme park cups make great frugal souvenirs. The kids' meals were served on plastic SeaWorld plates. I'm sure many people just throw them away, but I wiped ours off and brought them home! ::

:: Shark encounter - You walk through the shark tank & you can see them swimming above and around you. ::

:: "Just keep ~~walking~~ swimming, just keep ~~walking~~ swimming...."

:: Key West area - You could reach in and touch the stingrays. Sienna desperately wanted to do it, but just couldn't bring herself to. She ended up in tears, but being the brave Mommy that I am, I helped her reach her arm in and we "petted" several stingrays together. P.S. They feel slimy. ::

:: Dinner - Wolfgang Puck Express in Downtown Disney - BLT Turkey Sandwich (yum) with Fries (yum) and Tropical Iced Tea (yum, yum) ::

:: Homemade Chips (yum) ::

:: Kid's dessert - Have you noticed a theme yet with the kids' desserts? ::

:: Creme brulee (yum, although the creme part would've been better had it been colder) ::

That concludes Day Three. Tomorrow is our ~~big fat shopping~~ "rest" day. Which restaurant was so fabulous that we had to eat there twice in one trip? Stay tuned to find out.....

Remembering the Magic - Part II

2010-05-25T07:00:00.001-05:00

If you're just joining in, this is my foodie-style tour through Disney using a yum/0/yuck rating system. Part I is here.

:: Breakfast - Cafe Rix (quick-serve place at our resort) - Pecan Roll (yum, dripping in sugary syrup). Couldv'e had about twice as many pecans though. Do you say "PEE-can" or "pee-KAHN"? ::

:: It's our first day at the Magic Kingdom! ::

:: perfect shot in front of the iconic Castle. All the girls wore pink! ::

:: Lunch @ Casey's Corner ::

:: Corn Dog Nuggets (yum- dipped in Ketchup) and French Fries (0) ::

:: There was a parade going on during our meal & I had to hop up and take a quick picture of one of Sebastian's favorite characters! ::

:: Dinner @ 'Ohana - 'Ohana Welcome Bread (yum), Mixed greens with a honey-lime dressing (yum, yum) - this dressing was so fabulous that I'm going to try to make it at home! Also pictured is pomegranate lemonade (yum)::

:: Honey-Coriander Chicken Wings (yuck),
Pork Dumplings with Sweet and Sour Sauce (yum) ::

:: Lo mein Noodles, tossed in a Teriyaki sauce (yum) with stir-fried broccoli (0) ::

:: Dipping Sauces: Peanut (yum), Spicy Mustard (yum), and Sweet n Sour Sauces (yum) ::

:: All-you-can-eat skewers cooked over an oak fire. You can choose from pork (yum, yum), chicken (yuck -overcooked & dry), steak and shrimp. Pictured are steak (yum, yum) and shirmp (yuck). I actually *love* shrimp, but this was overcooked and so tasted quite chewy. You should also note that at this point in the meal the girls started singing "Steak, steak, eat it, eat it. Shrimp, shrimp...." from the Veggie Tales Jonah movie (where they are in the Seafood Restaurant). ::

:: Disney has all the standard "kid" fare, such as this child's favorite: mac & cheese. ::

:: Sienna styled her meal for me so I could get a beautiful close-up ::

:: Kid dessert. Notice the sprinkles?! ::

:: Coconut Pineapple bread pudding served a la mode with Bananas Foster sauce (yum, yum) ::

:: night-time at the Castle. Getting ready for Wishes (choreographed musical fireworks display) ::

:: so, so excited about the fireworks! Or was she excited about the tropical smoothie she requested right before the fireworks started? (pineapple-orange-mango, yum)

:: As wonderful, exciting, and amazing as the display was, I couldn't help but think that it still pales in comparison to what Heaven must be like. I thought about myself being at the "happiest place on earth", but Olivia being at the happiest place of all! ::

Remembering the Magic - Part I

2010-05-24T07:00:00.004-05:00

Our Disney trip was the most exciting thing that has happened in a long while. I don't plan to bore you with endless trip details, but would like to capture our experience, even if for my memory's sake. I will take you on a tour of Disney, foodie-style, because I went for the food (the magic and the rides were a bonus)! I'll try and use a simple Yuck/Yum rating system with a "0" as being neutral (take-it-or-leave-it). I am including links to many of the places we went, in case you are planning your own trip (or if I ever go back I will have it as a handy reference). Ready? You don't need a ticket and it's all calorie-free....

:: at the airport. this was the girls' first plane ride ::

:: Breakfast - water & "healthy" pb&j (0) - homemade by my mother - cheap sustenance ::

:: Lunch - Grilled Chicken Sandwich with LTO and Fries (0) - Coronado Springs' Pepper Market - sadly this wasn't that much better than my breakfast. It's kinda hard to screw up fries, but the chicken was dry. A bunch of mustard helped. I washed it all down with a Diet Coke. Unfortunately, I am a Pepsi fan, but won't hold it against the Mouse. ::

:: Yippee!!! ::

:: Cinderella's Happily Ever After Dinner in 1900 Park Faire at the Grand Floridian - this is a buffet so there must be something good..... ::

:: clockwise from top - Grilled Vegetable Salad (yuck), Roast Beef with Horseradish Sauce (yum, yum), Mashed Red Potatoes (yum), Caesar Salad (yuck), Crusty Bread with salted Butter (yum). If anyone in charge of the food at 1900 Park Faire reads this, I highly recommend Brianna's Asiago Caesar dressing. Also, kudos on the roast beef. I had myself several slices. ::

:: Lime Meringue tartlet with chocolate crust (yuck), Lemon tartlet with shortbread crust (yuck), Chocolate Ganache tartlet in a chocolate shell (yum - big mouthful of creamy chocolate!)

:: I *love* this step-sister's smile! ::

I can appreciate a wide-variety of food. Even if something is not really my particular favorite, I can still appreciate it. When I say something is "yuck", I really mean it, not that I just didn't like it. We were using the Disney Dining Plan, which I think my mom can confirm, was fabulous. More food (and characters!) to come.....

Missing the Boys

2010-05-19T07:00:00.001-05:00

This will be the longest amount of time I've ever spent away from either of my boys. I am most concerned about the little guy. Mommy will be praying for him every day!

Aren't we fabulous?

I know I will miss my big guy too. I'm sure we will have so much catching up to do when I get back.

Love you Babe! Can't wait to be back in your arms again!

XXXXOOOO,

Prepare for Take-off

2010-05-17T09:12:00.002-05:00

I have scheduled this post to occur at the exact same time our flight will be lifting off, taking us to Orlando. This Disney World trip has been years in the making and it's so exciting to see it finally come to fruition! I am in charge of all the planning and Grandma (my mom) is in charge of all the paying. (Quite the deal, huh?!) I think all the months I have spent on researching details (both big and small) nearly amounts to a part-time job. And being the creative spirit that I am, I just couldn't help but add as many little *magic* touches as possible. Here are a few, in no particular order:

:: Disney themed korker ribbon pony tail holders ::

:: invitation cards for all our special Disney meals ::

:: jewelry, courtesty of Grandma. bracelet for me, earrings for the girls. that middle pair are clip-ons since Sienna doesn't have her ears pierced. ::

:: sweatshirts for the our all-girl gang. i couldn't find one in Tatiana's size so I purchased a zip up hoodie from the thrift store::

:: close-up of the applique work ::

:: id tag. i made one for both girls because you just never know ::

He Carries Me

2010-05-15T10:00:00.001-05:00

In Honor of one year without Olivia (05.14.09) ~

There were photographs I wanted to take; things I wanted to show you....

:: my niece and daughters, except for Olivia ::

:: an (almost) family Christmas picture ::

People say that I am brave but I`m not. Truth is I`m barely hanging on.
But there`s a greater story, written long before me, because He loves you like this.

So I will carry you, while your heart beats here.
Long beyond the empty cradle, through the coming years.

I will carry you, all my life.
And I will praise the One who`s chosen me to carry you.

Such a short time, such a long road.

All this madness, but I know

that the silence has brought me to His voice and He says....

I`ve shown her photographs of time beginning, walked her through the parted seas,

angel lullabies, no more teary eyes.

Who could love her like this?

P. S. These words are taken from the lyrics of the song "I Will Carry You" by Selah based on Audrey Caroline's story, which you can read about at Bring the Rain. I think these simple words sum up the course of this last year better than any earthly words written by me could.

Captured.

2010-04-28T18:00:00.000-05:00

I captured this heart-warming conversation between my oldest daughter and my Husband on IM last week:

Tatiana:

Good morning Dad how are you?

Dad:

Morning tati I'm OK. How are you?

Tatiana:

I'm OK

Dad:

what r u doing?

Tatiana:

Eating breakfast and IMing u.

Dad:

wow! u r talented. have i told u how special u r?

Tatiana:

I think so

Dad:

just want 2 make sure u know. i love you but more important Jesus loves u

Tatiana:

Good. When do you get you'r paycheck?

Dad:

well deposited a check 2day will have another maybe 2mrow or monday

Tatiana:

Ok cause i was thinking tomorrow if you get the check we can go somewhere for dinner tomorrow.

Dad:

sounds good 2me

we have to check with mom 1st

Tatiana:

Alright i gotta G-o because Spud wants me to play outside with him.Bye

Dad:

K. LOVE YOU

It cracks me up that Daddy is trying to convey his love and talk about Jesus, while my daughter just wants to know about Daddy's paycheck!

Real?

2010-04-22T10:44:00.001-05:00

I do, sometimes, loathe the internet. Now that that's out of the way, I'll go on to explain myself.

I think I might've been born in the wrong era. I like face-to-face conversations. I like being able to read another person's facial expressions instead of having to infer them from an email or emoticon. I do appreciate online ((hugs)), but can anything really replace the feeling of having another wrap their arms around you in a heartfelt embrace? I love getting personal emails (no forwards please!), but there's just something about a stamped letter arriving in my mailbox, with a scrawled message in the unique handwriting of a friend, that just can't compare.

I marvel at the ability of instant communication. Email, texting, INSTANT messaging, pm-ing. Our family has been enjoying the benefits of IMing, which I will share tomorrow in another post. Sometimes I wonder though, if this ability is actually enabling us to not put as much effort into "real" relationships. Do we make as much time for actual people as we do for our inbox? It's not as easy, but I think it's more rewarding.

We all have busy lives and responsibilities that demand our time, energy, and attention. Real relationships are a sacrifice and something that we need to allow room for in our hectic lives. I can't remember the last time I mailed a hnad-written letter, but I make time for phone calls. I make time for house-to-house visits. Whenever I'm in the town where several of my friends live, I try to stop-by and say Hello as much as possible. I plan get-togethers. I'm not sure if these gestures go unnoticed or if a quick 3-line email is appreciated just as much.

I'm the kind of girl who loves to curl up with a hot cuppa something in a quaint coffee shop and spend a few hours chatting about life. Let's sit on your front porch with a cold glass of ice tea while we watch our children play. Let's turn off the hard drives and at least put the cell phones on vibrate for just a little while. I realize that with far-flung family and friends, sometimes this just isn't possible. And email is useful for so many things. It's just that it's so much easier to see the pain, buoy the hope, roar with laughter, share the tears when you're sitting by my side instead of in front of your monitor.

Be blessed,

Box Day

2010-04-21T06:00:00.001-05:00

"Box day" is the term homeschoolers use for the exciting day when new curriculum arrives in the mail. It is very exciting! Tatiana had to stop in the middle of our lessons to peruse her goodies for next year (4th grade):

And chocolate was included! It just touches this Mama's heart to see my kids so excited about the year to come. I'm sure by this time of year many students just can't wait to finish this school year, let alone get excited about the next. (Although this teacher is excited about having a long summer break!)

Pieces of Me: THE Recipe

2010-04-19T06:00:00.001-05:00

The first thing that I ever cooked by myself was Bisquick pancakes. I was probably about 9ish. I thought it was so impressive to be able to make a meal for my parents (as opposed to the other way around). I think it was this foray into pancake-making that lit the culinary flame that never has gone out. Fast forward a few years...

My mom had an old version of a Betty Crocker cookbook. It was red and thick and very well-loved (aka used-until-it-was-falling-apart). Some of my (and my brother's!) favorite pictures in that cookbook were of the birthday cakes. I remember that a few of them even were circled in pen, by some very hopeful children. The very first REAL recipe I made was from that cookbook. I was just so amazed to make something that adults loved and that people would pay big money for in restaurants. I was probably just a young tween when I made this for the first time and I recently came across it again while transferring my recipes to OneNote. I will always cherish it as THE recipe that started it all.

Company Cheesecake

Betty Crocker

Makes 12 servings

1 1/4 c. graham cracker crumbs

2 T. sugar

3 T. butter, melted

20 oz. cream cheese, softened

1 c. sugar

1/4 t. vanilla

3 eggs

1 c. sour cream

Procedure:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Stir cracker crumbs & sugar together. Mix in butter. Press into bottom of 9" springform pan. Bake 10 minutes. Cool. Reduce oven temperature to 300 degrees. Beat cream cheese in large bowl, until lump free, scraping sides and bottom of bowl. Gradually add 1 c. sugar, beat until fluffy. Scrape sides. Add vanilla. Beat in eggs, 1 at a time. Pour over crust. Bake 1 hour or until center is almost set. Cool to room temperature. Spread with sour cream. Chill at least 3 hours, better if overnight. Loosen edge with knife before removing side of pan. Wipe knife after each cut for nice clean slices. Yum!

Special Notes:

Can substitute one vanilla bean, split and scraped, for the vanilla extract.

Feeling Nostalgic,

P.S. Do you remember the first thing that you learned to cook/bake?

A Tilted Planet

2010-04-11T21:46:00.002-05:00

I am in a renewed season of mourning. Kind of like renewing a lease. Only worse. Now that you know, I don't have to explain why more than a third of the month is gone and this little blog has been too quiet. I ~~guess~~ know it's because April 20, 2009 was the date we had our level 2 ultrasound and my world shifted on it's axis. (My true north was no longer near the pole anymore, but maybe more like somewhere in Canada.) And the anniversary of that date draws near. The memories are still nothing but painful, although now more of a dull ache instead of a raw piercing.

I have the best of intentions when it comes to making new blog posts. I get inspired. I take pictures, trying to find the best light. But when I imagine myself trying to sound ~~giddy~~ ~~happy~~ pleased about, oh, I don't know, a new recipe let's say, it just seems hollow. Because the grief has settled in again, following me wherever I go.

Don't mistake me, there are moments of sweetness. I have been happy (at times) about Spring. I have felt swollen amazement when I look up at a crystal clear sky full of stars (no more winter cloud cover)! I have felt tickled at using my grill on warm Spring evenings and thinking about new and tasty grilled foods and side dishes. I have been totally inspired by my discovery of Foodzie (where have you been all my life?), which is like etsy, only for tasty, hand-crafted, natural artisan foods. I have enjoyed digging in my plots of earth and planting little seeds. Tatiana and I were over-the-moon to get a box full of school books for next year. I even took pictures!

But last year's memories linger, like a broken tooth that your tongue just can't seem to leave alone. Especially on days like Friday, when instead of my mail lady bringing books to my door, it was a slightly confused trucker with a small granite headstone on his dolly.

Apparently, this delivery trucker usually takes his loads to the cemetery, not to a little white house with a homemaker nervously waiting at the front door.

"Do you get this kind of delivery here often?" he asked, slightly puzzled.

"No, sir..... Hopefully it's the only one I'll ever need."

And even that one has been almost more than I could bear.

P.S. Keyboard Soup. (Mom, you know what I mean.)

Clinging,

Adventures.

2010-03-31T11:56:00.000-05:00

I think breaks are good for everyone, as they leave us all feeling refreshed and ready to tackle what is before us. Just some of the many adventures that we have taken this week as we return to schooling from Spring Break....

:: Spring craft from Family Fun ::

:: Nature study. Hanging this homemade bird feeder right in front of our school room window has been splendid for bird watching! I also picked up a copy of Critters of Illinois pocket guide to add to our study materials. The Husband actually read through the whole guide, exclaiming interesting tid-bits for me to hear. Nature fun for everyone. ::

:: We made these egg holders from Family Fun magazine, but unfortunately they wouldn't hold our decorated hard-boiled egg. I spontaneously decided to "blow" an egg so the kids could see how it was done & so we'd have an egg light enough for the holder. Craft and science. ::

:: Literary aids. Log house inspired by our read-aloud On the Banks of Plum Creek. That outer area of the house is the "lean-to". We're becoming huge Laura Ingalls Wilder fans! (I also rented one of the Little House TV series seasons from the library!) ::

:: Science ::

:: Oobleck ::

:: Liquid or solid? ::

:: Fun for fingers of all ages! ::

Do breaks leave you feeling refreshed?

A Parable

2010-03-29T12:56:00.000-05:00

From today's English lesson:

Once a fox and a stork were good friends. The fox invited the stork to dinner. All they had to eat was soup. It was in flat dishes. The stork could put only the tip of his bill into the dish. The fox lapped his soup up quickly.

The next day the stork invited the fox to dinner. They had soup again. This time it was in a bottle. The stork could put his bill in and drink it, but the fox could only lick the outside of the bottle.

When asked what the moral of the story was, Tatiana proclaimed, "Hospitality!" It led into a really great conversation about considering and meeting the needs of others. A small joy in an otherwise ordinary day.

Inspired.

2010-03-26T06:00:00.001-05:00

To be more purposeful with girlfriend get-togethers :: How Can I Help Someone Else When I Have So Much to Do at Home? :: Preschoolers and Peace

Sewing for spring :: Fabric Easter basket :: Moda Bakeshop

Who knew what felt could do?? :: Gulf Coast Cottage :: Etsy

Crafting for Him :: Easter garland :: the homespun heart

Keep resting on Sunday (I pretty much do exactly what this post says!) :: How Can Sunday Be Restful with Little Ones? :: Preschoolers and Peace

Hmmmmm :: Relevant Conference

The Winter Past

2010-03-22T21:00:00.000-05:00

Many people are eagerly anticipating Spring. Small children, gardeners, warm-weather lovers, lanscapers, normal-people-who-enjoy-decent-weather. And I used to be one of those people, opening my windows on the first day when the temperatures rose above 50° F. I have come to realize though, that because of my grief, I actually enjoyed winter. Winter just seemed fitting during that season of my grief. Desolate. Frozen. Icy and beautiful at times. A gloomy cocoon at others. I would look up at the gray-white blanket of low lying clouds and feel insulated. It was as if nature was giving me a nod and telling me it's okay to have a time of frigid slumber.

I never would have guessed in a million years that I would ever not want Spring to come, especially being prone to seasonal-affectiveness like I am. These last few weeks I have been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually preparing myself for Spring's arrival. I'm sure it's no coincidence that the most recent book I read had the following verse as it's theme:

For behold, the winter is past, The rain is over, it is gone:
The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing is come...

(Crazy how God can use something like a novel to reach our hearts, isn't it??) I'm not sure I'm going to be doing any singing, but it will be a time of reflection and remembering. The days when we first received Olivia's diagnosis are quickly approaching, as is the day of her birth. I remember many blue skies during those days. And those same blue skies are coming again. The earth will be celebrating. The laughter of children will float through my window on warm breezes. And I....I will be missing Olivia for one full year. I will be thawing out. I will find new ways to enjoy life. I will grow and I will grow something. And hopefully by the time next winter comes, I might not enjoy it as much.

Preparing for flowers,

Pieces of Me: Mug

2010-03-20T09:30:00.000-05:00

As if you don't know me well enough, I will be doing a series on things that make me, me. Some serious, some silly. All uniquely moi. So without further ado....

...Meet my favorite mug.

Mug, meet my blog readers.

I received this from a friend for my birthday 2 years ago and have loved it ever since. I don't even think she knows how truly attached I am. I use it so often that sometimes it gets all stained inside and requires a good scrubbing. I love the color, the creative design, and the verse that says, "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. (Prov. 31:29)" I guess every time I use it I am reminded that the person that gave it to me loves me and feel the encouragement that the verse gives, like a little morning hug to go with my tea. Because as you will soon find out, I am not a coffee drinker.

My favorite mug does have a chip on the side of the rim, but it just adds to the cosy-ness of a favorite mug, dontcha think? If this mug should happen to meet an unfortunate demise at the hands of some ~~careless~~ carefree person, I will probably have to ask the original giver for a replacement. There's just something comforting about a lovely coffee mug.

Any one else have a favorite coffee (or tea!) mug?

Incredible, Jr.

2010-03-15T11:56:00.000-05:00

This Incredibles suit has gotten more use and laughs than any other costume in our house. It is on its third child now. Sebastian has even created his own word for "Incredibles", since he is still working on his speech development. The word he made up? HI-YAH! (as if you were gonna Karate chop someone)

Incredibly smart, incredibly cute, incredibly strong tempered. I love my incredible son!

Sister-in-love

2010-03-12T13:30:00.000-06:00

Wednesday started out like any other day, but ended up like no other. Right around the time that I was sitting down to have my quiet time, my husband called while en route to tell me that his sister was in the hospital and was expected to have emergency surgery later that day. I was worried, no doubt. My mind started to go there. You know, those dark recesses of your mind that hold the fears that you might not even want to admit to yourself, let alone talk about out loud.

At the same time, my eyes were reading through my devotional page....

I need not be afraid

God knows the fears and faith struggles that keep you awake in the night

he wants to bless us

beckons us to leave our fear behind

And the tears were pouring down, people. Because this is a sister-in-law like no other and I don't even want to imagine what my life would be like without her. This probably is sounding pretty dramatic; to the doctors I'm sure it was nothing more than a routine gallbladder removal. But to me, the fear was very real. Probably even more so because I no longer believe the lie that "everything's gonna be okay". I have erased that phrase from my vocabulary because that just isn't something we can be sure of, let alone promise someone else. I used to believe that I was good enough, blessed enough, loved-by-God enough that nothing terrible would ever happen to me. (Crazy, right?) Those things happen to other people. But now that I am other people, these kinds of situations shake me up real good.

In all His wisdom, God allowed this hospital to have Bible verses posted around the hospital that spoke to me throughout the day. His Words brought me the peace that I so desperately needed. The first one was Job 33:4 which I continually prayed over my patient :

The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

And the second one (Psalm 145:18), after she came out of surgery with flying colors, was posted right out side her room:

The LORD is near to all who call on him...

And I praised Him for hearing me and for it being in His will to answer how He did.

In the quiet late afternoon, I had some time to reflect on the day. I remembered arriving at the hospital, wanting to see my patient in pre-op, and the nurse asked me if I was a relative.

Yes, I'm her sister.

(And proud of it, too.)

A different nurse actually did ask if we really were sisters. And as we explained our relationship, she commented that those kind of sisters are really the best kind. Because we love one another and are true friends, even though we aren't obligated to by some sense of familial duty.

And during my little quiet time, the only thing that kept me from falling soundly asleep (like the patient) was the beep, beep, beeping of her pulse ox monitor. It might've been utterly annoying to some, but to me the sound was beautiful, reminding me that it belongs to a heart that beats so nearly to my own.

I am one lucky sister-(in-law).

Any one else blessed to have a wonderful sister-in-law?

Sew and Sew: Disney Style

2010-03-04T13:05:00.001-06:00

It's been a really long while since my last edition of Sew & Sew. I have been doing more creating, especially lately, so I thought I'd share some of my latest projects, particularly the ones for our upcoming trip to Disney.

I picked some Disney-ish fabrics to make the each of the girls a dress. I prefer the idea of creating the 'look' of Disney, as opposed to using Disney print fabric. These two dresses only required about 4 yards total of fabric, purchased on sale of course! For Sienna's dress I used my "go-to" pattern when it comes to little girls dresses (New Look 6613). I have made probably a dozen dresses from this same pattern with 2 more planned.

I didn't want the dresses to be exact duplicates of each other, so for Tatiana's dress I chose a slightly more grown-up pattern, which I have used once already (McCall's 5574). I love this style, particularly because of the middle bodice section which allows for lots of fabric mixing & matching. Neither of the patterns called for ruffles at the bottom, so I just measured around the bottom edge and multiplied by 1.5 to get the length (you can do x2 for a fuller ruffle).

:: frayed fabric flower from this tutorial. For lotsa fabric flower tutorials visit here ::

:: detail of Mickey heads added to the ends of the straps. I tried several different methods, but the winner was just to trace/draw a Mickey head on a double layer of fabric, then zig-zag stitch with a really short stitch length (as in applique) around the inside of the tracing, then cut away the extra fabric close to the stitching. ::

:: appliqued Mickey head. I'm not that great at applique, but I'm improving. ::

An old pair of Target jeans get new life as Disney capris!

:: I had to open up the inside seam of the leg to put on the applique and then sew it back up again. I think they still need "something". Maybe a patchwork belt or something added to the back pockets? ::

:: And just because I couldn't resist. ::

Amidst the Flames

2010-03-02T09:02:00.001-06:00

"When most people say 'for better or for worse', they really only mean 'for better'."

- from the movie Fireproof

I've given a lot of thought over the years, but especially more so this last year, about what 'for better or for worse' really means. I think back to my premarital counseling and can distinctly remember one of the pastors trying to convey to us, the young couple in love, what the future might hold.

Will you still love him when he's balding and 30 pounds heavier?

Will you still love her when she's pregnant and cranky?

Will you still love him when he's in a bad mood?

Will you still love her when she's old and wrinkled?

If those are the most extreme difficulties that we have ever had to deal with, we would have an easy life. Probably not nearly as rich and rewarding, but definitely easy. I think the questions a pastor should ask an engaged couple should be more probing and probably a lot scarier:

Will you still love him when he is depressed and wants to give up on his faith?

Will you still love her when she has a miscarriage? Again.

Will you still love him when he gets addicted to viewing inappropriate websites?

Will you still love her when she has spent more money than you make in a year?

Will you still love him when he has had no job for months on end? When you don't know where the money will come from to care for your family?

Will you still love her when she has gotten herself emotionally involved with someone else?

Will you still love him when your marriage just seems hopeless to save it?

Will you still love her when you hear the words 'no heartbeat' and find yourselves standing in front of a tiny casket?

Will you still love each other when it seems like the very fabric of your marriage is coming apart at the seams?

Early on in our marriage, a pastor mentioned to us that when we had gotten married that he didn't think we stood "a snowball's chance in hell" of staying married for the long run. Amazing, huh?! I guess what this pastor didn't realize is that the trials that we would go through would make us stronger, that we would come out the other side battered and bruised, but still come out together. And that just like the Bible story, there would be an extra person amidst those flames saving us from destruction.

"Fireproof doesn't mean a fire will never come, but that when it comes

you'll be able to withstand it."

- from the movie Fireproof

Super?

2010-02-22T08:21:00.002-06:00

I came across this comparison on another blog recently and have really enjoyed reading through it. Not only enjoyed it, but have been blessed by it. There are some areas where I am, in fact, super. And many areas where, praise the Lord, I am abiding in Him. I am going through this chart in during my quiet times and am sure I will refer to it again and again. I find it especially fitting as today is my first day back on the job as a full-time Mom ( I think Mom deserves a capital "m", don't you?), as the Husband returns to full-time work. So just for today, I am focusing on 'pleasing the Lord' and 'finding peace through Jesus in the midst of any storm'.

If you visit the original posting, there is a downloadable version for you to print as well.

If just for today, which abiding quality would you pick to focus on?

The Great BIG Good News Post

2010-02-18T19:20:00.001-06:00

As if my post the other day wasn't great news enough, there's more!

At the beginning of the month I celebrated my 32nd birthday. Birthdays are pretty special around our house and even more so now that we've really given deep thought to the privilege of having a birth day. One of my dearest friends from high school, along with her boyfriend, took us out to dinner. We found a babysitter on the spur of the moment and we were off to enjoy some hibachi-style cuisine. It was fabulous! (But catching up with an old friend was equally great!)

"...a time to be born..."

That same weekend another of my bestest girls celebrated a birthday and I made some treats.

I also made some chocolate cupcakes with whipped chocolate ganache which tasted, if I do say so, really divine. But alas, I failed to get a picture of those. Since we're on the topic, should I start referring to myself as the Cupcake Queen? Cupcake Diva?

"...a time to embrace..."

And more.....

Four years ago my mom promised my oldest daughter a trip to Disney World when she turned eight. We never worked out what the exact details would be, who would go, etc. Well people, the time has come. Yesterday marked the start of a three-month countdown to our all-girls trip to Disney! If you do the math correctly, we will be leaving only 3 days after the date Olivia was born. I am sure I will be mournful around those days, but am praying that I will be able to have this special time of celebration as well.

"...a time to weep and a time to laugh..."

And still more....

Guess whose children must've turned on the outside water hose when they built a snowman back in December? And so guess whose water bill was about 3 times what it normally is for the month of January? And shortly after I received said bill, guess who received a spontaneous donation of money from a gal in my mom's small group which was just enough to cover the bill? Amazing, huh?!!!!

"...a time to gather stones together..."

And yet more....

Since I'm sure you're tired of guessing from that last paragraph, I won't make you guess anymore. The Husband received not one, but two great job offers last week. Two!! After two years of our little business struggling through, we have decided to accept a full-time job as an employee and continue to do small contractual jobs on the side. We are all sad to see Daddy leave our family as he heads back to work, but are happy for the respite that this steady income will provide. We know that God has His perfect timing and just feel so blessed that we have arrived at this point still clinging to His promises.

I don't think I'll ever forget the year that the Husband got a job for my birthday!

"...a time to weep and a time to dance..."

And now, my friends, I feel like dancing.

Feel free to do a little jig on my behalf!

He Provides: Undeserved

2010-02-16T18:04:00.001-06:00

I was feeling desperate. Again. I was driving home from somewhere and crying out to God. Again. Where will the money come from now, Lord? Where? December was beautifully snowy, granting the Husband lots of work removing it. January was...nada. My finite mind reviewed all the possibilities, carefully calculating dollar amounts and potential sources. Wasn't I just saying the day before that sometimes God has a plan, has an option that we've never even thought of yet? That He always provides. Silly, silly girl. I felt the movement in my Spirit urging me on and with five little letters He provided in an enormously unexpected way.

Taxes.

I expected something. But this? THIS was beyond my wildest expectations. And honestly, I felt like there must be some mistake because good things just don't happen to me.

Anymore.

I know, in my mind, that God is good. That He hasn't changed. But I think after living with struggle and then the pain of grief for so long, my heart began to wonder.

I feel so undeserving. Undeserving of outrageous kindness; of over-abundant provision. After much thought, I just keep coming back to the same notion. If I feel totally undeserving of His choice in abundant provision, how much more undeserving I am for the work He has done for me on the cross, for His immense love, for the hope I have in Him, for the riches of His grace.

Be blessed,

Fancy Five

2010-02-12T13:23:00.001-06:00

Sienna turned five, so we got all fancied up. I was feeling especially creative, so some hand-made touches were an order!

We used Fancy Nancy as our theme, so we tried to make everything fancy!

:: Felt garland following this tutorial ::

:: Yes, I drew Fancy Nancy free-hand based on a image that I found on a sticker. ::

:: Fancy finger-foods ::

:: Fancy make-overs with body glitter & glittery hairspray. My brother (he'll be 30 this year!) even let me glitter his hair! ::

:: Fancy Nancy story time ::

:: Fancy homemade cake with pink frosting & white roses & sprinkles! ::

:: My fancy 5-year old ::

All photos are courtesy of Stephanie.

Inundated

2010-02-08T22:57:00.001-06:00

With

laundry,

costume alterations,

new blog design for a friend's business,

dishes,

cupcakes (!!),

children needing attention,

husband needing attention,

homeschooling,

grief,

His undeserved blessings,

celebration,

traumatic thoughts from dark days,

friends,

God's love,

parties.

What are you inundated with?

Dontcha just love how that word sounds so much like what it means?

More details to come,

Cakes & Quakes

2010-02-01T06:00:00.009-06:00

Our regular school routine was interrupted last week, but this week we are going to veer from our regularly scheduled program to learn about earthquakes and Haiti. We have already had some brief conversations about the devastation there, especially since the kids were asked to give some of their money at church to aid in the relief effort. Over the weekend, the littlest kids had a bake sale at church to raise money. Of course, we contributed:

:: my top-notch mixing expert ::

:: efficient & cute! ::

:: my quality control associate ::

:: everyone loves sprinkles ::

:: little fingers doing a big job ::

:: pretty & purposeful -- they were a hot-seller for the bake-sale ::

I left out the part where I tried a new sugar cookie recipe and lovingly mixed, chilled, rolled, cut, and baked and the blasted things turned out harder than a rock. Grrr. Next time, I am totally going to follow all the tips and recipes from this awesome cookie blog. But I digress.

This week we are making an earthquakes & Haiti lapbook. (Remember our first adventures with lapbooks?) I am using the free earthquake lapbook resources here and supplementing with good library books, good conversation, and good thoughts. I just love using real-life events or experiences to make learning come alive!

Have the recent events in Haiti spurred on any good conversation with your kids?

Interrupted

2010-01-29T10:45:00.000-06:00

We interrupt this regularly scheduled homeschooling Mama's routine to bring you....

....jury duty.

I was assured by others that the odds that I would actually have to go to the courthouse were slim. I called the night before and there were no specifications as to who had to attend. Everyone was to show up for the jury call. I observe about 70 potential jurors. I knew they would select twelve, meaning that I had only a 17% chance of actually being selected.

Apparently, I am quite lucky.

I should've bought a lottery ticket.

I've watched a lot of Law & Order and also enjoy my daily dose of People's Court and Judge Judy. So for me, it was like those shows had come to life! In some ways, this real-life trial was similar. "I object to this line of questioning!" In other ways, not. (The courtroom definitely was not as dramatic looking and the attorneys remained seated while examining the witnesses.)

After two full days of being in court (1 1/2 days worth of trial), my duty has been fulfilled. I took many notes. I prayed, for myself, for wisdom, for the man whose life could change because of our decision. I took this responsibility quite seriously. Oh, and guess who ended up being the foreperson?

Yep. That's right.

My face was so hot after we finished deliberating, I had to go into the bathroom and press my cheeks against the cool metal paper towel dispenser. My knees were actually shaking as the verdict was delivered. (The judge actually read it, not the foreperson, like you might see on TV.) We were personally thanked by the Judge for our service and he answered any questions we might've had.

All in all, it was a positive experience. Something I won't soon forget. And I will continue to pray for the man that we convicted. I'm sure he won't forget this experience either.

Any other former jurors out there?

Of all.

2010-01-20T16:00:00.001-06:00

We received a lot of really nice gifts for Christmas. Things that I will truly enjoy. But the best gift of all didn't have a price tag and wasn't purchased at a store. It was from my 83 year-old grandmother; she just didn't know it at the time. While visiting her home on Christmas Eve, we enjoyed a nice Polish meal and began to open gifts. I crossed the room for some reason and noticed a picture frame sitting next to her television. The frame said, "Families are forever" and inside were some things to remember Olivia by: a card that we had given out at her funeral, tiny hand-cut angels, Olivia's footprints hand-cut out of a memory card. My grandma has been suffering from arthritis for God-only-knows how long and for some time now is either unable to do the things she loves, like knitting, crocheting, and sewing and has taken to wearing hand/wrist support gloves for most of the time. I can only imagine the time and (possible) pain that she had to endure to hand-cut all these little decorations and the love that such sacrifice requires. In that very moment, I was nearly reduced to a puddle just thinking about it. And then she proudly declared,

"Olivia is still a part of our family."

And to my husband she whispered under her breath,

"She is waiting for me."

And that made the best Christmas memory of all.

Dump Truck Cake: How-to

2010-01-18T06:00:00.000-06:00

Choose a dump truck with a really big trailer and wash thoroughly. Check thrift stores and garage sales if you don't have suitable selection at home. My dump truck trailer measures about 9" x 6", roughly half the size of 9" x 13" sheet pan.

Bake your cake and cut to fit. If you want a layered cake, depending on the depth of your truck, you might have to bake two thinner layers or one bigger cake that you cut two pieces out of. Use as big of a spatula as possible to gently lift the layers and place them in the truck bed. An extra set of hands won't hurt either.

Even if it breaks a part a little, just put the broken pieces in to fit.

Add filling if desired. I layered some cool whip in the middle and placed the other half on top. You can see in the photo how that top layer crack in half, but I just squished it back together. No one will ever notice!

Frost with chocolate frosting. Since I was using what I had at the time, I only had about 1/3 can of chocolate frosting from a previous baking project, so I just melted that down and poured it over the top.

If you really want to make it look cool, crush some chocolate wafer cookies and sprinkle them over the top. A few gummy worms poking out here and there would be fun as well. I was not able to do this because of the extra ingredients it requires, but just love the idea.

Prepare to amaze your little trucker!

One.

2010-01-13T14:56:00.000-06:00

When the calendar turns over, we start thinking about what we can do differently. Or what we need to do. Period. I usually lean towards more open-ended resolutions that allow me to consider them complete, as long as progress was made. For several years, my resolution was simply to not put undue burden on the family budget. So to consider that a success, I could clip coupons, shop at thrift stores, find ways to earn extra money, go without, look for sales, reuse and so on. This year, however, I am straying from my past tendency and chose something much more finite.

I have just one resolution for 2010: to finish my Hope devotional.

Oh, there are other things I hope to accomplish. Getting my recipes and my basement in order for starters. But I don't think any one thing can really impact my life as much as spending more time in God's Word. I heard a sermon recently that said if we place our time with God in a position of high priority in our lives, that will activate all the other areas in which we need help (or blessing)! The filling up of my spiritual cup will overflow into the rest of my life.

At least, I hope it will.

I have 35 weeks left of devotions in the Hope book. Each day there are additional Scripture readings as well. I have also been memorizing Scripture to build my reservoir. Even plugging along without missing a day will take me through 3/4 of the year. I'm not going to be legalistic about my schedule or beat myself up about skipping a day, but I am going to just try to stay focused.

So, I'm keeping it simple by just making one single resolution. I think it's the most important one I could make.

Got goals?

Homemade Chai

2010-01-06T15:10:00.000-06:00

I wasn't sure I would ever post this because my Chai recipe is really more like your grandmother's recipes. Ya know, the ones that she doesn't write down and doesn't measure, but just knows how to make it by feel. I started out with a base recipe from the internet that, of course, I can no longer find....

Homemade Chai

2 Black tea bags (English Breakfast)

2 small cinnamon sticks

10 whole cloves

10 peppercorns

1/8 t. cardamom

1/4 c. brown sugar

1 1/2-2 c. water

Hot Milk

Put the first five ingredients in a small saucepan. Boil the water, then pour over the bags & spices. Cover the pot and let steep for about 10-15 minutes. Add the sugar and mix to dissolve. Strain into your mug. Add enough hot milk to make a medium to light brown colored chai.

(Lotsa) Special Notes:

I'm really fussy about my tea preparation. I wouldn't just put the water in the pot and then bring it to a boil. I like pouring the boiling water over the bags & spices. Maybe it turns out the same; I don't know. Also, I like a reeeaaalllllllly long steep. Sometimes I'll just leave it there for hours. If you let it steep for forever like I do, you'll have to reheat the tea mixture when you're ready to serve it. For the straining, I use a really fine mesh strainer, but you could also use a coffee filter set into a funnel. Since the cardomom is the only ground spice, you could try and just really carefully decant the tea into your mug. I also make about 2-3 subsequent pots using the same spices. I'll just add one fresh tea bag to the bags already in the pot and sometimes about 1/2 of new spices to the ones already in the pot. I realized after typing this all out how much brown sugar I was consuming in a day. YIKES!! But for a special treat, it really is worth it. I figure that since I'm using 2% milk, I'm off-setting the sugar a little bit. You could also just use maybe 2 T. of brown sugar and sweeten with Splenda to taste. Feel free to throw some extra spices in there. Ginger? Nutmeg? Go for it. The spicier, the better. Because if you don't like it sweet and spicy, you might as well just use a store-bought Chai tea bag, know what I mean?

Reasons

2010-01-04T12:53:00.000-06:00

Why I Neglect My Blog

1. Because I don't feel like I have anything exciting to say.

2. Because I wonder if you tire of hearing about my journey through grief.

3. Because sometimes I just need a break from the online world.

4. Because I am inundated with frantically sewing my Christmas gifts, along with attending multiple family gatherings.

5. Because I feel like sometimes I'm a kill-joy.

6. Because I can't decide if I should post about cooking or sewing.

7. Because, do you really need to read another Merry Christmas/Happy New Year post? Seriously.

8. Because not posting is better than a post titled "UNhappy New Year".

9. Because I'm busy thinking about my goals for 2010 and don't want to post until I have them all figured out.

10. Because I'm too content to be reading good books, drinking amazing homemade Chai, playing with the kids, joking with the husband, preparing to attend a smashing wedding, and endlessly planning my next craft project.

1000 Words

2009-12-29T07:00:00.000-06:00

One of us

2009-12-27T22:35:00.000-06:00

One of us had the most amazing Christmas possible.

One of us is in a place where Christmas is celebrated everyday, not just on December 25th. One of us could hear the angels singing, instead of singing about angels. One of us has the complete peace, joy, and love that all the Christmas songs refer to.

That is because one of us is already with the One for whom Christmas is all about.

One day, we will all celebrate Christmas together as a family.

Forever and ever.

Merry 1st Christmas Olivia! You were loved and missed around our Christmas tree.